Overcast   50.0F  |  Forecast »

Finding a Mommy Match

A local mom of two from Troy recalls her days of 'mom dating' to fill the isolation when her kids were little

When I was a child, people would use the words "shy" or "quiet" to describe me. I had friends, but I gathered them slowly. Crowds could be overwhelming, new faces intimidating.

Which could be one reason I found dating in my 30s challenging.

Dating moms, I mean.

Yes, with the birth of my child came the sudden need to find other moms. Sure, I knew women with children, but most of these women were seasoned, with older kids. I needed new, fresh, scared-I-was-doing-everything-wrong moms. I needed to make sure I didn't turn into some cabin-fever wacko who thought the wallpaper was talking to me.

But how?

My street at the time was bursting with stay-at-home moms, but they all seemed, well, established. I went on Wednesdays to a nursing moms group, but no friendships transcended those meetings. One mom – I'll call her Kimberly – discovered she lived by me, and suggested we get together. Except whenever Kimberly called to "get together," she was trying to sell candles or something.

Umm … no.

I attended the library's reading hour, babe in lap, and sang songs. I didn't do more than make eye contact or nod a "hi" to other moms. How did one butt into a conversation and say "Hi! I need company"?

Someone hinted that a local PTO group organized playgroups. (I kind of wondered how the PTO had an influence on babies and toddlers, but I was desperate enough for companionship that I didn't question this.) I "got in" with some nice enough moms for a morning playgroup, which consisted of a bunch of moms sitting on the floor in yoga pants among their babies as they talked and periodically changed diapers.

Then we moved from Ohio to Michigan.

Our Realtor was "in" enough with our new subdivision to pass along the numbers of some young moms hoping to establish a playgroup.

I got on that. Fast.

I talked to a friendly mom, talked to another friendly mom, and showed up at a stranger's doorway. Serendipitously, I actually knew this mom, a woman I had played with as a child at my grandparents' cottage. She introduced me to her neighbor.

This playgroup jelled, morphing and growing as a few other moms joined. We met weekly and provided meals when new babies were born. We forced our husbands to meet one another and play euchre. We waited for our babies and toddlers to actually pay attention to each other.

And waited … and waited.

There was a lot of "side-by-side" play, but no childhood friendships stuck with my kids … until my freezer broke in the summer. Isabella's mom offered her basement freezer to save my meat and frozen cherries. As I transferred my haul, little Isabella cemented a friendship with my daughter by passing along chocolates she had pilfered from her mommy's stash.

This nice, safe little sorority of sorts we'd started was great. I've experienced these moms having my back in an instant, whether that meant last-minute child care or an impromptu cup of coffee.  (Or, OK, a glass of wine.)

But then school started, and the mom world expanded. All new moms in the kindergarten hallway. All new moms in the first grade. 

I no longer felt the solitude-driven need for company, but now there was another driver to making some sort of connection. Play dates. The kind where the kids actually want to get together, and not just loll about on the carpeting while their moms drink coffee. Was I supposed to get the ball rolling on those? Based on little more than a smile at a Halloween party and a cold call from the school directory?

In some cases, yes.

Over time, over small chitchat at school events, over the periodical cold call, I'm starting to feel, well, networked with other moms. It's not the same as those first mom friendships, but it probably means my kids are growing up and making their own new friends. Which I guess is a good thing. 

But if I do one day feel that maybe those baby days have gone by too quickly, I know there's always another mom from my early "dating days" that's only a call away.

Add your comment:
Advertisement

More »Latest Articles & Blog Posts

Mushroom Recipes for a Family Meal

Mushroom Recipes for a Family Meal

Mushrooms can be a tough sell with picky eaters but these dishes will entice them to try a bite – or two!

Tennessee Law Prevents Parents from Giving Child a Hybrid Last Name

Tennessee Law Prevents Parents from Giving Child a Hybrid Last Name

Carl Abramson and Kim Sarubbi mashed together their surnames for their first two kids, but Tennessee law says they can't use the last name 'Sabr' for baby No. 3.

Sticky Fingers Duct Tape Book Offers Easy Bow Making How-To

Sticky Fingers Duct Tape Book Offers Easy Bow Making How-To

Sophie Maletsky's new guide, published by Zest Books, is packed with fun crafts and DIY ideas kids and families can make out of colorful duct tape.

Paper Craft Fun with Handprints, Garland and Kawaii Art

Paper Craft Fun with Handprints, Garland and Kawaii Art

This versatile craft material transforms into an acorn fall creation, decorative ribbon, cute Japanese critters and cool dividers for your kid's closet.

How to Prevent Your Child from Choking

How to Prevent Your Child from Choking

Mealtime can turn from pleasant to panic in a matter of seconds. Protect your child from this mishap with our list of dos and don’ts.

YouTube Moms Parody Iggy Azalea's Hit Song 'Fancy'

YouTube Moms Parody Iggy Azalea's Hit Song 'Fancy'

The rapper's had the hit of the summer, but these clever mothers made it their own, riffing on pregnancy and motherhood in some pretty funny viral videos.

Biscuit Recipes: From Classic to Chocolate

Biscuit Recipes: From Classic to Chocolate

September is National Biscuit Month, but you can bake these any time! These recipes, including classic biscuits from Betty Crocker and cornmeal biscuits from Martha Stewart, will have you reaching...

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement