Fair   67.0F  |  Forecast »

Finding a Mommy Match

A local mom of two from Troy recalls her days of 'mom dating' to fill the isolation when her kids were little

When I was a child, people would use the words "shy" or "quiet" to describe me. I had friends, but I gathered them slowly. Crowds could be overwhelming, new faces intimidating.

Which could be one reason I found dating in my 30s challenging.

Dating moms, I mean.

Yes, with the birth of my child came the sudden need to find other moms. Sure, I knew women with children, but most of these women were seasoned, with older kids. I needed new, fresh, scared-I-was-doing-everything-wrong moms. I needed to make sure I didn't turn into some cabin-fever wacko who thought the wallpaper was talking to me.

But how?

My street at the time was bursting with stay-at-home moms, but they all seemed, well, established. I went on Wednesdays to a nursing moms group, but no friendships transcended those meetings. One mom – I'll call her Kimberly – discovered she lived by me, and suggested we get together. Except whenever Kimberly called to "get together," she was trying to sell candles or something.

Umm … no.

I attended the library's reading hour, babe in lap, and sang songs. I didn't do more than make eye contact or nod a "hi" to other moms. How did one butt into a conversation and say "Hi! I need company"?

Someone hinted that a local PTO group organized playgroups. (I kind of wondered how the PTO had an influence on babies and toddlers, but I was desperate enough for companionship that I didn't question this.) I "got in" with some nice enough moms for a morning playgroup, which consisted of a bunch of moms sitting on the floor in yoga pants among their babies as they talked and periodically changed diapers.

Then we moved from Ohio to Michigan.

Our Realtor was "in" enough with our new subdivision to pass along the numbers of some young moms hoping to establish a playgroup.

I got on that. Fast.

I talked to a friendly mom, talked to another friendly mom, and showed up at a stranger's doorway. Serendipitously, I actually knew this mom, a woman I had played with as a child at my grandparents' cottage. She introduced me to her neighbor.

This playgroup jelled, morphing and growing as a few other moms joined. We met weekly and provided meals when new babies were born. We forced our husbands to meet one another and play euchre. We waited for our babies and toddlers to actually pay attention to each other.

And waited … and waited.

There was a lot of "side-by-side" play, but no childhood friendships stuck with my kids … until my freezer broke in the summer. Isabella's mom offered her basement freezer to save my meat and frozen cherries. As I transferred my haul, little Isabella cemented a friendship with my daughter by passing along chocolates she had pilfered from her mommy's stash.

This nice, safe little sorority of sorts we'd started was great. I've experienced these moms having my back in an instant, whether that meant last-minute child care or an impromptu cup of coffee.  (Or, OK, a glass of wine.)

But then school started, and the mom world expanded. All new moms in the kindergarten hallway. All new moms in the first grade. 

I no longer felt the solitude-driven need for company, but now there was another driver to making some sort of connection. Play dates. The kind where the kids actually want to get together, and not just loll about on the carpeting while their moms drink coffee. Was I supposed to get the ball rolling on those? Based on little more than a smile at a Halloween party and a cold call from the school directory?

In some cases, yes.

Over time, over small chitchat at school events, over the periodical cold call, I'm starting to feel, well, networked with other moms. It's not the same as those first mom friendships, but it probably means my kids are growing up and making their own new friends. Which I guess is a good thing. 

But if I do one day feel that maybe those baby days have gone by too quickly, I know there's always another mom from my early "dating days" that's only a call away.

Add your comment:
Advertisement

More »Latest Articles & Blog Posts

Craft Roundup: Small Projects to Make with Washi Tape, Confetti, More

Craft Roundup: Small Projects to Make with Washi Tape, Confetti, More

Tiny stuff is terrific! This roundup of DIY fun from various blogs shows you how to make matchbook notebooks, gift bags, stickers and bitty butterflies.

Frustrated Mom Creates App to Stop Teens from Ignoring Calls

Frustrated Mom Creates App to Stop Teens from Ignoring Calls

One mother got sick of her kids blowing off her phone calls, so she created an app to make it impossible. Stroke of genius – or an overstep of parental bounds?

Ice Cream Sandwich Recipes

Ice Cream Sandwich Recipes

Combine ice cream with cookies and you've got the perfect dessert combination. Whip up one of these cool treats with the kids!

Vintage Summer Pins Made from Old Belt Buckles

Vintage Summer Pins Made from Old Belt Buckles

A perfect summer craft, this DIY project is centered around used plastic accessories, which are cheap finds at garage sales and thrift stores.

Monroe County Teen Allegedly Fakes Abduction, May Face Felony Charges

Monroe County Teen Allegedly Fakes Abduction, May Face Felony Charges

Hayley Marie Turner, age 18, of Bedford Township reportedly went missing for 16 hours – but it turns out the entire thing was a hoax. What happened to the teen?

Craft Roundup: Back-to-School Fun Craft Ideas for Kids

Craft Roundup: Back-to-School Fun Craft Ideas for Kids

It's only a month away. But there's no need to fret! Get in a good mood about school with these four fun crafty DIY projects from various blogs.

Mom Dresses Daughter as Hooters Girl for Pageant

Mom Dresses Daughter as Hooters Girl for Pageant

The documentary 'Blinging Up Baby' gives you a behind-the-scenes look at kid beauty pageants. Did one pageant parent from London go too far when she dressed her child as a Hooters waitress?

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement