Stay-at-Home Moms More Depressed, Angry and Sad, Study Says

Do SAHMs feel emotionally worse off than working moms? Contributing factors can include under-appreciation and isolation.

Stay-at-Home Moms Depressed

Stay-at-home moms might struggle more than working moms, according to a new Gallup analysis of more than 60,000 U.S. women between the ages of 18 and 64 (before retirement age) interviewed in 2012.

The study found that 28 percent of stay-at-home moms reported depression a lot of the day when asked how they were feeling the day before, but only 17 percent of employed moms did. Of the group, 26 percent of SAHMs said they experienced depression, vs. just 16 percent of working moms. And 41 percent of the at-homers reported worry, compared to only 34 percent of their counterparts.

What women say

“Stay-at-home moms” are defined as women who are not currently employed and have a child younger than 18 living at home with them. “Employed moms” are defined as having a part- or full-time job and having a child younger than 18.

The study also examined employed women (without any kids under 18 at home) in comparison with the SAHMs and working moms. In this “no-kids-at-home” group, 17 percent reported feeling depression, 16 percent sadness and only 31 percent worry. Those stats are much closer to – some the same as – the ones reported by the employed moms.

Why are SAHMs sad?

But why do stay-at-home moms experience more negative emotions?

Many adults aren’t prepared for the immense amount of change in their lives that a child can bring. Reproductive health psychologist Sara Rosenquist says that when someone has a baby in our culture, or even adopts one, they can lose status, income, friends and the life they knew and were used to.

“They also gain the wonderful thing they had sought after oftentimes,” says Rosenquist, “but the loss is every bit as real.”

One reason stay-at-home moms might feel more down than working moms is a lack of appreciation – or a missing sense of accomplishment. At the end of the day, working moms can list a set of tasks they conquered, explains licensed counselor Erika Myers. But it can be difficult for a SAHM to pinpoint what she did during the day, even if she’s been busy the entire time.

“Moms do a lot of work but don’t get paid for it,” therapist and psychology professor Diane Lang said. “They work 365 days a year with no sick time, vacation time or time paid off.”

The isolation factor

Another aspect of being a stay-at-home mom that might contribute to anger and depression is isolation.

Working moms get to be “real” people with interests, skills and relationships outside of the home, Myers says. A stay-at-home mom must work hard to maintain relationships that aren’t about being a mom, because that’s what her life is focused on. Many SAHMs find they are friends with people they have nothing in common with – except their homemaker status.

Some days, a stay-at-home mom may not interact with any adults at all.

“Kids are great, (but) having conversations with children only over the course of the day can be isolating,” says Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist and mother of two. “Social isolation can often lead to feeling sad and resentful.”

Combating the bad feelings

To help feel more accomplished at the end of the day, a SAHM can make a list of the tasks completed. Myers also recommends talking with a partner about the challenges of staying at home – and how the partner can help meet the stay-at-home mom’s needs for appreciation, understanding and connection.

Another crucial step? Take some time for yourself. Personal development and continued learning greatly boosts happiness. Lang says that many moms take classes at local libraries or adult education centers on cooking, scrapbooking, languages, etc. This helps with both social and intellectual stimulation that women might lack from staying at home.

Or consider joining a moms’ group, club or other social activity. If you’re concerned over the cost of childcare, there’s also the option of joining a church group or gym that has a nursery.

“Doing a childcare swap with another stay-at-home mom to allow some personal time each week, and filling that time with things that are personally satisfying – not just errands – can help the stay-at-home mom feed some of her own needs,” Myers says.

Bottom line

The results of this study don’t mean that women can’t enjoy being stay-at-home moms. Some moms find it very fulfilling to stay home and raise their kids. Heather St. Aubin-Stoutauthor, an author born in Detroit, left her career 25 years ago to do just that.

“I struggled with this, as I had been raised to be a career woman,” she says. “In hindsight, I’m glad I stayed home, because I won’t get those years back.”

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Comments
  • I was a stay at home mom… My nephew once said to me… Aunt Ginny, you don’t do anything! He said, you are not smart! I still to this day remember that statement…. I CHOSE to stay home with my children… I was a licensed Realtor…. I am by no means “not smart”!!!!!! I truly believe we need more moms willing to sacrifice a second income for the welfare of our children!

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    • I agree that we need to elevate the idea of being a SAHM. Also, something that used to bug me like crazy is that there’s not ‘training’ for being one. All the soft-skill training that employees get like setting goals, time and task management, and so on! I have finally stopped being bugged by this sad fact…because I’m finally doing something about it! :) I teach it. My website is http://www.successful-sahm.com …it is the website I wish I could have found when I started being a SAHM 12 years ago!!!

      Reply
      • I just checked out your website and for the 15 minutes I was on there it helped tremendously! I will definitely be a frequent viewer! Thank you

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  • I am a stay at home mom and have been for the last five years. My advice to other SAHM is to have something of your own. It doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as it is something for you. I realized I was kind of getting fried and I needed to do something that had nothing to do with kids. The first thing I did was start a blog. It has tens of followers but that isn’t the point, it was something for me. It gave me a sense of community and it fought off feelings of isolation. I also started my own small business that I run out of my home. I make a little bit of money and it really is fun for me. I am ridiculously busy between home school, running my business, taking care of the littles, taking care of the household, and taking care of the blog. I would have it no other way! http://www.sprinklesofpeace.wordpress.com

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    • Stacey W.

      Thanks for your comment and for the wonderful advice for SAHMs!

      Reply
  • Being a SAHM is depressing, I always was independent owned my own house at 23 paid off my car had a great job w benefits, going to college to be a nurse. Btw I did this all single then my husband met me at church,chased my for a year we had our daughter. I have never felt so heartbroken alone, poor, angry, isolated, worthless, unapricated, not by my daughter but my husband. I lost my co workers, friends and family connecting a being a SAHM. My husband doesn’t want to connect w me or do anything and he’s always too tired

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      • Me too sad but true married 13 yrs with a 10 yr old daughter same thing recently started drinking and it has mad my life worse what can I do ?? Wish I could get my live returned FYI I work 8 hrs a day from home and feel the same as is I had no job it doesn’t matter still feels the same

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    • I am going through the exact same thing. I have it worse though. My mother-in-law lives with us and she makes my life miserable everyday. Picking fights for no reason and always nit picking everything that I do. My husband’s too much of a mama’s boy to do anything about it. She even called me a liar in front of him when I wasn’t lying and he didn’t even notice! Sigh….married the wrong guy!

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    • I can totally relate to you! My husband and I met at a friend’s wedding, we got married, bought a house and had a honeymoon baby within 3 years and my life has been upside down since I lost my job and became a stay at home mom 14 months ago. I was working and he was unemployed until my son was 1 month old and I did all the wedding planning, house decoration while I was working and pregnant. My father in law helped when our son was young but I had been caring for him since I stopped working. My husband started to tell me I am lazy and I should go back to work and he rarely helps with the house or care of our child. I don’t know how it became this way and I am praying that we will harmony in the house again so that our son can grow up in a loving family. We all have our own issues wether we acknowledge or not, I am so resentful and angry all the time and my husband thinks he deserves more because of how hard he work. I don’t even remember the sweet guy he used to be in the beginning. It’s a very sad reality to many young family but we must never forget to show compassion and self sacrifice in order to make relationships work. Thank you for your honesty and I am happy that I am not going through this alone.

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    • So glad to have read this – it doesn’t fix my situation but knowing I’m not alone is comforting. I married THE gem of husbands – but since having our first 6 years ago (we now have 2), that man disappears more each day, and today I feel like I’m living with my brother or a co-worker – no romance, no passion – just an old friend who irritates me most of the time (and apparently me to him too). It’s deflating. Why is it so difficult for these men to get with it – if you’re not going to help out without being pushed, then at the VERY LEAST you could acknowledge all the crap we do so you don’t have to do it. I work part-time (25 hrs) he works full time (50 hrs average), and he travels on occasion so I pick up all the responsibilities of the house, kids etc while still working on those days, and I never get any thanks or reciprocation. A little gratitude, for me, goes LOOOONG way. I have voiced this to him countless times and still get nothing. When our daughter was off sick for a week, I worked into the nights in order to look after her in the day and keep up on my work commitments (I am a team of 1 with nobody to delegate to and regular deadlines that need to be met). He wasn’t supportive whatsoever, never said “thanks” that he didn’t have to juggle his workload to take time off to help out, and I still had to get up in the morning 2 hours before him to sort the kids, dog, chores in the morning. This is the new normal for us and I hate it. I’m so sad. :o(

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      • I realize this post was from a year and a half ago, but your reply right here makes me feel like I’m reading back my own thoughts. I had the same scenario last week AND my husband was down for the count with a horrible flu. I understand he’s working hard, and it’s even harder when he’s ill and wants to be “functioning” but it is BRUTAL being a stay-at-home “part-time” working mother. I feel like a slave… :/ At least my husband and I have a good relationship, but I definitely don’t feel like I am being the best person, let alone wife or mother, I can be when I am burning the candle at both ends day in and day out.

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    • Also me. My husband does attempt to give me free time, but grocery shopping on a saturday is just not going to cut it. I have been getting progressively sadder and more angry, and I recently decided to make a change. I’m not going to stay home any more. I am going back to school. Getting a job. My parents both worked full time my entire childhood and I harbor no resentment for that. My kids will be just fine if I work, even if part time. I am still trying to convince myself of that, but I have to believe they will, because I can’t keep on this path to depression.

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      • Desr Jake,
        OMG, I am going to the same thing and feel so conflicted. Being with my baby for 4 months and was going o go back to work in two months, initially took leave without pay. Now I feel like it’s affecting my health and going back to work this month. You never really know until ou try. I love my baby so much and I feel like I am a bad mother and worry tat they will not take good care f him in the daycre. I pray and keep telling myself he will be ok and you are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. HAPPY MOM=HAPPY BABY
        WE WILL BE OK :-))))

        Reply
  • As my name says,duh. I call my self the worthless disgruntled Sahm since I no longer look for work. I tell my kids to not grow up like their parents, leave this country and find a better place that respects you as a humans. They are gifted young kids who understand my unhappiness with this forced careerless path. I apologize to them every day for my inability to provide for them a house, extracurricular activities, and other items to increase thier chances of improving lives. Being a Sahm is a worthless role model for any young person.

    Reply
  • A sahm is no role model for our children.i don’t choose to stay home,I have to because my child has not yet been accepted to a daycare and we have no sitter. But I can not wait for that day to come. Being a sahm is very depressing, lonely and isolated. The worst part is, husband sees me as a worthless person and sees being home with kids as no job! I can’t wait to get my own job and not rely on anyone!

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    • I agree, none of this was my choice I’m now on my second baby and already have a toddler, day care is way to expensive and I have no family, nor friends im strictly a stay at home mom and very depressed, I wake up to the same schedule every single day. Nothing excites me anymore, and when my husband has his days off and tells me he’s going fishing it makes me so angry NOT for the fact that he’s going but the fact that us stay at home moms don’t get a day off so I think to myself I never get a break and he does so then I feel unappreciated, the other day he did cut me some slack though. he watched the kids while I stayed in bed all day miserable thinking is this all that life is about but of course one day of a man trying the role of mommy makes him talk talk talk saying “what I do around here” I do nothing” and he feels like a mom, and I need to get up. I don’t think anyone is fully prepared to be a stay at home home mom, it’s extremely depressing lonely I feel trapped in my own home it’s always something or someone needs me to do something, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids needs all day every day. I love my girls, I love the days we spend together and watching them grow but i missing talking laughing with adult. I’ve gotten to the point that I don’t know how to talk to adults anymore I forgot how to hold a conversation because I talk to no one, and my husband just wants to come home from work rest, play PlayStation, go fishing with his friends or talk about money and bills EVERYTHING that I don’t want to hear or talk about after a long day with kids, cleaning and cooking. It’s getting to the point that we have nothing to talk about anymore.

      Reply
  • I Have noticed this recently with my wife… i understand her depression.. i try and make an effort to make sure she feels appreciated. i try and help out around the house alot. and make a point to get her out even if im tired… i dont know what else i can do.

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    • i know what you mean. i work, come home, try to help her in any way. i try to take her out but our funds are low and our kids have behavior issues. im stuck between a rock and a hard place.

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    • Hi,
      If you’re doing all that you can to understand, appriecate, and romance her then maybe should could get her substitute teaching license and that way she could work when she wanted to without any pressure..?. Also make a date night once a month if at all possible. Or she could go to school online to get a degree at home. That could really help out when the kids get in school and daycare isn’t as much of an issue. Plus as the kids get older a family might need two incomes. I’m going to school online and trying to find a job that pays enough to make up for daycare and gas.

      Reply
    • My husband humiliated me with all kind of bad names on the earth for being depressed.
      I’m holding my self together for the sake of my kids.

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      • I know how you feel, my husband is always putting me down, throwing our age difference in my face saying I do nothing, he does everything etc etc etc it’s very frustrating when I try my hardest to be a good stay at home mom plus house wife and he just complains about the little things. The only reason I keep going is for my kids I’m all they got

        Reply
  • Combating isolation right now, I see my husband from 6-8pm when we throws his cloths all over the house eats dinner and passes out on the sofa…..yes he works very hard hes gone most the day we can’t afford to have 2 incomes so he works very long hours, and not that I have to justify why I stay home but our children are very young and reports of abuse at day care centers leave us both horrified and I choose to make sure my children are very subjected to that type of disfunction. Any how we only have one car he takes to work an hour away ever day at 3am or I would just drive him to work, my family doesn’t call or stop by I’m literally alone 22hours a day and when my husband is here he seems irritated that I crave his interaction (not attention, don’t ask him for anything simple just speak words to me) I have thought about killing myself at times I only cook clean and changes diapers, take dogs out and my husband only talks to me when me needs something done/sex is once a month. He says just hang in there and he loves me but my children are anti-social since they never see people they cry incosolible when we are in public and I literal have zero joy in my life my kids don’t even let me hug then its screaming manipulating feed me and shitting their pants. I am a single mother with a paycheck no car and my husband does all the grocery shopping I can’t pick what I need or want to eat and usually we don’t get enough for me to eat along with the children I tend to forgot my meals so not to take food from my children’s mouths.

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    • I hate that you are feeling that way! My feeling go out for you. I am currently a stay at home mom but I am looking for a job that will be worth me working. It was not easy for me either be a stam but I feel you should still get romance and interaction with your husband. I also think you should do the grocery shopping, it helps to get you out the house for a little bit and women shop better than men do! I hope you can find happiness and look at the positive more but your husband may just need to understand better about how you’re feeling and maybe he can make you feel better overall! Good Luck!:)

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    • I just broke down in tears because I can feel your pain. At this very moment, my son is screaming and whining. It drives me totally insane! But at least he’s a child. My boyfriend is the one that really makes me depressed. And I feel so weak that I let another person control my emotional state. I used to be so lively and enthusiastic about life. I had so much potential. And I know I still do, and that I really am that outgoing gal. But in the depths of depression and the pressures of trying to do it all, I get completely overwhelmed and somehow convince myself that I am a loser. My boyfriend of 13 years is constantly saying that I don’t do anything, which makes me furious because I am constantly doing soothing. I clean up after him and my son continuously while also trying to pursue my real estate career, which I have no time for because I am busy with my son all day.

      Reply
  • My mother is a stay at home mom, but she is not depressed. On the contrary she has no ambitions in life (she has stated this explicitly) and despite my being in college now and my dad getting burnt out at work, she shuns all our suggestions of finding a job. She has no hobbies (except for going on the Internet to browse other people’s stories and live through them). I do need to thank her for doing the cooking and supporting our family in other ways. Overall though, it drives me crazy how she is a living double standard – she raised me to have many interests and be able to support myself, yet she does not want those things herself. I will have to agree that being a SAHM is a terrible terrible role model for your kid. While it is acceptable to do so when kids are young, you should definitely do something with your life once they are older. Otherwise, cooking and cleaning and doing other supportive housework becomes your entire life and something as simple as a comment on the taste of a meal will ruin your entire day.

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    • Have you stopped to consider that your mom, although it doesn’t seem like it on the outside, could be paralyzed by fear? After staying home for most of my adult life, I would love to work now and although I am intelligent, have no real “marketable skills”. I also would have to compete with younger, recently/currently employed people. I feel isolated, depressed and frustrated. While you are quick to point out your mother’s many short comings you might want to take a look at what she gave up. Her own identity, relationships, appreciation/recognition for the job she has done. While she may say she has no outside ambitions, that may not be the whole truth. For me, I would be able to say that easier than to admit my fear…and fear of failure. I certainly hope you haven’t expressed your opinion to your mom in the way it came across here. (Although I do realize that the written word often comes across differently that the spoken word.)

      All that said… I have advised my daughters to at least work part time. The feeling of self worth that comes with maintaining your identity is worth even more than money.

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      • I seem to be in a similar place in life. Stayed home most of the past thirty years. I have a pretty useless bachelors degree. Twice I returned to school, but had to discontinue studies both time. Made A’s and really enjoyed my classes. Now, my kids are young adults, and I’m still home, for several reasons…I have volunteered with several organizations hoping it would lead to employment. It hasn’t. My actual paid work experience is so old and probably the reason I’ve never received a response following application; I don’t want to work retail and make a pitifully low wage and my husband is not enthused as my income would bump us into a higher tax bracket. My friends who are former SAHM’s but have now returned to work say they are so glad to be working yet are a little hostile and treat me differently. I am in a strange place. Have you had a similar experience?

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    • i have been a sahm since 1999, the last time i had a job the computer screen letters were green….. i have stayed home with the kids thinking at times how great this is but also how much this sucks…….. through the years i have thought of getting a meaningless job but every time i consider it something happen in the family showing me that i have to be available all the time (kids sickness, etc)… my husband cant just leave work and take care of them if i wasnt available………. as for getting a job, the last time i applied for a job it was all on paper, now everything is on computer …… everyone wants experience, what am i suppose to say, iv done “nothing” for the last 16 yrs

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  • I’ve been a stay at home mom for about 3 years now, since my son was born, and I’ve never been more lonely, depressed, anxious and miserable in my life. Since I’ve become a SAHM, my blood pressure is up, I have stomach and joint pain, fatigue, and daily headaches. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression. I have never felt more isolated, under-appreciated, or worthless. My husband works 10-12 hours a day and when he gets home from work, he wants to “decompress” which means he wants me to feed him and then let him sit on the couch while he plays video games on his phone. When do I get to decompress? Never. After my son goes to bed for the night, I sit up for hours, full of anxiety and watching television. Sometimes, I can’t fall asleep until 3am, even though I’m exhausted. My days are full of chasing after a very cranky and hyper toddler who throws food, yells at me, and cries over just about everything. I have no friends, my family doesn’t seem to help with anything, and my husband is insensitive to my complaints. His point of view is that I have things easy; he’s the one who has to punch a clock, meet deadlines, and deal with incompetent people all day. All I have to do is change diapers, feed a baby, and apparently just a little bit of housework. He doesn’t seem to realize that I have to punch a clock too. I don’t get a lunch hour, I don’t get weekends off, I can’t take sick days, and I don’t have anyone else on my team to rely on when things get rough. The worst part of being a SAHM is that it’s 24/7, even when the husband is home.

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    • I am also a sahm. I am also miserable and have tried to commit suicide once and ended up in a mental hospital. I was diagnosed with severe depression. I have three kids and five months pregnant with the fourth. My oldest is in third grade and my two younger ones are home with me during the day. I, also, have no friends and no social life. My day consists of screaming, complaining, crying, and bickerin kids. When my husband comes home from work after working 10 hrs a day or more he wants to sleep. I am angry, pissed off, and irritated. I feel like I have no life. I find myself cleaning 90% of the time. I need a break!! But I’m glad I’m not alone as there are other sahm like me. Hang in there everyone. We will get through it.

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    • This is me :( ….we moved 4 hours away from family and friends in 2007…he works LONG hours…I sit here and care for our 3 year old and 8 month old. We also have a teenage daughter (15). I sit here completely alone..no friends..no family to help out..have no one I trust leaving my kids with. It’s like..I wish I had someone…yet at the same time..if something bad happened to them under someone else’s care just so I can have an afternoon out to myself…I could NEVER forgive myself. My husband is completely insensitive to how I’m feeling..he’s tired when he gets home..and I watch him sit on the couch and play on his phone or fall asleep. If I mention how I’m feeling..he doesn’t even hear it…literally “doesn’t hear me”! He has what I call “selective hearing”. His job is always treated as the most important one with the most stresses while I have it “easy” staying at home. I do the brunt of the parenting. There’s a whole back story to all this as well…to long to write. We’re in our mid 30’s now…but we’ve been together since 1998 as teens. There’s been a LOT of stuff that’s happened over the years that I have trouble getting past. GOSH..its just exhausting to even think about much less write about. At any rate …here I am…sitting here exhauted from not have a full nights rest in over 8 months…running around daily from the MOMENT I wake up cleaning up…tending to my toddler and baby…being available to my 15 year old for life advice and whatever new hobby she’s untreated in…trying to care for my husband’s needs…everyone’s needs but my own. If I want alone time it has to be after I lay the kids down…when I’m exhausted yet can’t sleep because I feel like I HAVE to do something now that I’m alone..Like lay in bed and get caught up on shows I can’t ever watch…or of course..clean…cause that NEVER stops. I feel angry sometimes that when he is off work…he is OFF work…and I’m NEVER off work. Always on call..day and night…ALWAYS. I’m not allowed to complain either…cause I “have it good” according to him. Which really..being we are all healthy…and have a roof over our heads…and food in our bellies…I really shouldn’t be complaining. I just feel so worthless…isolated…alone…useless..whiny…good for nothing. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 13. It got better in 2012 after the birth of my son…but since having my new daughter…things have become..overwhelming. I could go on and on…but I suppose I’ve whined enough…and who really cares anyways.

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      • I care! I don’t know you, but I feel for you and your situation, being in a similar one myself. You’re not alone, it feels that way, and when you’re at home with the kids and nobody helping you it is that way (I know- this is me too), but take comfort that you’re not all alone in the world with this situation. I can’t fix it but we can at least express this to each other as we work through it. You’re not alone – someone does care. I expect our significant others do too, but they don’t know what to do for us so they do nothing. We will get through this – things will get easier – or different – as the kids grow and we all find our way. Sending you {{{big hugs}}}}

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    • This is me :( ….we moved 4 hours away from family and friends in 2007…he works LONG hours…I sit here and care for our 3 year old and 8 month old. We also have a teenage daughter (15). I sit here completely alone..no friends..no family to help out..have no one I trust leaving my kids with. It’s like..I wish I had someone…yet at the same time..if something bad happened to them under someone else’s care just so I can have an afternoon out to myself…I could NEVER forgive myself. My husband is completely insensitive to how I’m feeling..he’s tired when he gets home..and I watch him sit on the couch and play on his phone or fall asleep. If I mention how I’m feeling..he doesn’t even hear it…literally “doesn’t hear me”! He has what I call “selective hearing”. His job is always treated as the most important one with the most stresses while I have it “easy” staying at home. I do the brunt of the parenting. There’s a whole back story to all this as well…to long to write. We’re in our mid 30’s now…but we’ve been together since 1998 as teens. There’s been a LOT of stuff that’s happened over the years that I have trouble getting past. GOSH..its just exhausting to even think about much less write about. At any rate …here I am…sitting here exhauted from not have a full nights rest in over 8 months…running around daily from the MOMENT I wake up cleaning up…tending to my toddler and baby…being available to my 15 year old for life advice and whatever new hobby she’s untreated in…trying to care for my husband’s needs…everyone’s needs but my own. If I want alone time it has to be after I lay the kids down…when I’m exhausted yet can’t sleep because I feel like I HAVE to do something now that I’m alone..Like lay in bed and get caught up on shows I can’t ever watch…or of course..clean…cause that NEVER stops. I feel angry sometimes that when he is off work…he is OFF work…and I’m NEVER off work. Always on call..day and night…ALWAYS. I’m not allowed to complain either…cause I “have it good” according to him. Which really..being we are all healthy…and have a roof over our heads…and food in our bellies…I really shouldn’t be complaining. I just feel so worthless…isolated…alone…useless..whiny…good for nothing. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 13. It got better in 2012 after the birth of my son…but since having my new daughter…things have become..overwhelming. I could go on and on…but I suppose I’ve whined enough…and who really cares anyways. I’ve also been hospitalized for being suicidal with severe depression as well..but that was in 2008.

      Reply
  • Dear everybody, here is my situation: I came into the USA 6 years ago, to marry mu husband who is from the same country as me, but he came 8 years before me, we met online and that is how it all started. I am SAHM, a mother of a great 3 year old boy, but all my family is over the seas. So, I get literally no help except from my husband when he gets from work and not as a rule, but only if I am at the end of my nerves.
    So far I have started to work in McDonalds( that was not easy won battle, specifically because I am not good at asking for something for myself). I get to dissapear for 3.5 hours 2-3 days a week, after which I am happy to see my hubby and my kid, and I am earning some pocket money, but I am still missing some deeper communication with adults other than exchanging a few sentences in between serving customers. I have been also working on my diet and exercise , to go back to normal weight, and with ups and downs, it is better but it demands a lot of focus, planing and time. Once you find what works for you, don’t ever give up. One more good thing about exercise is that while you are doing it, you don’t have time to think about anything else, so the brain relaxes and the endorphines hit after that and will keep you in a relaxed mood for a few hours (I do it in the morning while my son still sleeps)

    Now, it is all good, but I would not be here if there was not something else bothering me: it is not enough. On my worst days I want my old job back and my time back and my friends back, and sometimes even my country back.
    I can not see my personal future clearly – should I go back to work forse, or go back to school before that, should I find a job that will fit the future school hours of my boy? The future of my son is in the first place for me, but what will make me happy enough that I can be a good mother? I don’t want to be seen just as a mother and a wife. I need to be me again. Does that sounds selfish or egocentric?

    Reply
    • I feel how u feel u have lost ur self inside ur self it’s like the person u one new just dispersed like ur living for everyone but ur self giving everything u got to people that in return give u nothing to find ur self I’m tired of being a mom a wife a sister a daughter I just want to b me and worry about me I want to find my self

      Reply
  • I am a sauna of 2 a 5 year old and a2year old I have fallen in to depression lonelyness a have a fiance that works from 2:30 am till 4:00 pm and I feel most of my depression comes from being alone stuck between the same 4 walls day in and day out he comes home and it seems as if he ent no how to interact with me Like I dnt exist or that’s how he makes me feel some days some times I think Wat if I stray from home find someone or something that’s into me would that make me happy …probly not that’s y I dnt I dnt want to hurt my family but they hurt me every day because I stay home with my children wen I get mad I yell and so when there dad’s around they act like he’s the grates guy but I always have to b the bad guy in the situation I’m just tired and drained my life feels like a black hole I can’t seem to find my way out

    Reply
    • Find the strength, talent, and beauty within yourself, believe me it is there. I feel your sadness, isolation, and heartache. Find the spark within, share it with your children. Do things together, create together, grow together. You are everything to your children, for real. Get in touch with your inner child and bring that into your relationship with your children. Above all value yourself so your children may value themselves as well. One day they will be parents and everything you do now they will. Check out some online sources on patenting in peace like some steiner inspired stuff that will really get you creative with your little ones. Remember that you have everything within you to be a mother and strong wonan it’s there!

      Reply
      • Thank you! I agree, find happiness in whatever you do whether it be staying at home or choosing to go out to work. You are the most important example to your children and if you have confidence and pride in what you do they will respect that and themselves. Staying at home with your children is one of the toughest but most important jobs there is, be proud!

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      • I think she knows the spark she has within. It’s not about her finding it. It’s about everyone else not seeing it, husband and kiss.

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  • Wake up and listen to yourselves! This madness needs to stop. It needs to stop with you or it will and maybe has hurt your children. Being a mother is one of the most powerful and sacred positions you will ever hold! 18 years ago I became a mother at a tender age and found myself sinking down the “sad spiral” however the love in my heart resonated with such power for this child I birthed I became a better, stronger, more beautiful person for her. For 9 years I was a single mother and yes I managed to find ways to work from home to be a nurturer, teacher, and strength for my child. Life was really bumpy at times but my child saw my strength that came from my love for her and through this strength she learned all about “coping with life”. When she was 9, I married and became a wife to a very hard working down to earth country man. I found myself living out in the middle of no where with not only my own daughter but also a very cranky stepdaughter. Once again the “sad spiral” started to spin but also once again I knew that stinking thinking is no good and I got my biscuit busy enjoying my daughters and transforming into a more versatile mother and HOMEMAKER. I also birthed 2 more children, 2 rowdy sons that could make a saint run down the road screaming like a madwoman but I didnt!!! I almost but once again the whole “stay at home mom” label wasn’t the thing, it’s about being a HOMEMAKER. Now look at the definition of stay at home mom versus HOMEMAKER. This homemaker word is an amazing one. It’s about taking pride in your home and using your hands to create. It’s a a SKILLED position and hoes great with being a MOTHER. This is what the amazing, beautiful strong mothers before us were. Life was hell for them but they kept on going, kept on mothering, kept on homemaking, and MAKING THE BEST with what they had and most important MOTHERING thief children. If you are gonna be at home who gives a hoots what anyone thinks about you. Be the best darn mother, lover, wife, woman around. A strong woman, fierce mother, proud honemaker is a force to not be reckoned with! Some mothers on this forum have complained of the men in their lives being distant, unappreciative etc.. sounds like these men had testicles wasted on them and they need the boot! After a if these mothers are this hootin miserable at home giving these misogynstic males the boot and then getting some good education and careers just might be the fix!!! There are lots doors open and I know that from what life dished out yo me 18 years ago. Oh and getting back on that, I have a strong, stable, free spirited nurturing daughter who’s all grown up now and proud that her mama breastfed and kept her close as a babe, homeschooled her, and all at the same time managed to work from home when she was small, from home and part time when she got bigger, back to home and being a full time homemaker when she was 9, and giving her the best of me she so can access the best in her! Beautiful mothers! Realize that you are amazing, strong, outrageous women. You have the courage to whine on this website and I know you beautiful mamas have the courage to be the best mothers/women/lovers/warriors ever! Get homemaking, career minded, creative, involved in something you love so you can grow in love with your sacred children and the powerful position that you are lifting in life. Love to you all!

    Reply
  • I am a SAHM for 5 long years (3kids). I’m not to sure how to even start this, and I don’t think im going to explain my frustrations b/c I’m sure we all have the same hard time being stay-at-home-mom (according to most posts, we do!) After reading everyone’s posts, I feel a little better that I’m not alone at this SAHM thing.

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  • Tears are streaming down my face as I read this and the comments. I’m a SAHM to a five year old and an almost 2 year old (who I’m desperately trying to wean because I haven’t had personal space in years and it’s starting to get to me!). I hate feeling worthless, depressed and resentful. I am busy working around the house or running errands from sun up to sundown and am exhausted every single waking moment of my life. My husband doesn’t appreciate anything I do and thinks I have it easy…. I’m usually still doing housework long after he gets home from work (he gets home around midnight) and he just asks why I didn’t start sooner in the day. His responsibility is literally only to go to work (which I greatly appreciate) but I do everything else. Every dish, every meal, every load of laundry, pay every bill, clean every room, take the kids to all their appointments and everything in between. We live in a bad district so we are starting homeschooling this fall and I’m already feeling very trapped. I love my son and am thankful to have this opportunity but it does not come without sacrifice. I think what most of us want is recognition and appreciation from our spouses. I am tired of being overlooked and taken for granted, it makes me want to just stop so everyone can see how quickly our lives go to crap without it my constant efforts. This sucks :/

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    • *hugs* to you Momma! I HEAR your every word completely. I’ve been a sahm for 7.5 years, and I’ve wanted to quit countless times. I just want you to know you’re not alone.

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  • i feel trapped,angry and depressed.nobody ever says thank you yet they expect everything to be done for them.most nights i cry myself to sleep.i dont know how much more i can take

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  • What gets me more angry, resentful, lonley and depressed is the fact that my husband thinks I don’t have it as hard as he does with his “job” I’ve tried to explain exactly how I feel and apparently it’s not as important because I don’t pay the bills

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  • Thank you for this article! After being a SAHM for the past 7 and a half years and three kiddos I thought I was literally going insane. Seriously. But nope! I’m just a SAHM. I can’t tell you how relieved I feel knowing I’m not alone! So excited to start MAKING time for myself. Thank you!

    Reply
  • “I wish they had a better mother.”
    That line hits me like a ton of bricks. There’s never enough time. Nothing looks done. A constant sound of screaming or crying resonates throughout the house. An infant, a toddler, and a boy with autism:
    That’s my life. And those three truths terrify me, exhaust me, and little by little kill me inside.
    Being a stay at home mom is like existing in purgatory, except it’s worse because you are neither dead nor good enough for heaven.
    I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep and even when I try one of them will wake me up for a feeding, a nightmare, or simply to feel me. The life in my body slowly drains. I look in the mirror and I’m thus shadowy mess of a human being that I once was.
    I think of ways to kill myself. Some ways are more creative than others. I like the idea of simply disappearing, just walking into a forest or a deep cave. No one finds me. No bones. No trace. No evidence of my existence. That’s what I feel. I hate this. My husband says that I will miss this time. How can I possibly explain to him that I won’t, EVER. I wasn’t made for being a mom. This is my purgatory. My death. My life. And I hate it.

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    • I feel the same way. I love my kids 8yr &1yr so much! But staying at home sucks the life out of me. Worst of all ive always wanted to leave the neighborhood i live in since i was 7. Yet bought a house under my name and it’s convenient since my parents and mother in law stays in the same neighborhood. I hate it. He’s ungreatful, disrespectful, unromantic, never has time for he kids or me! Im just tired and ready to work like yesterday

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  • I am sure that depression can be a factor for some Stay at Home Moms. As a SAHM I know it is a LOT of work, self sacrifice & can feel as if it is not important because of the culture we live in. But, it is SO important, especially if children are involved. Staying at home to take care of our husbands, households & od course, raising our children is a gift from God. A couple of years ago I read the book “Motherhood” by Nancy Campbell. This book gave me such peace & purpose with my role as a SAHM. I recommend it to Mommas :) Also, having a little outlet is important too. I just started blogging & it has been exciting to have something that is MINE :) It’s been fun to share all my tips & ideas for the things I love around the home.
    Lively Little Home

    Reply
    • Oh my gosh I’m a miserable mother of 3 toddlers. My husband is so ungrateful. I think he’s cheatibg in me with out next door neighbor. We haven’t been romantic in years. He won’t even sleep in the same bed with me. He just stays up late watching porn on his phone and masturbating in our bed like I’m not even there. I just wish I could have a little free time and appreciation back. Sometimes I don’t even have time to move my bowels and properly clean myself afterwards. I just want to be wanted again. Our money is very tight and we fight a lot about money. I am thinking about joining Tinder – has anyone tried that? How did this happen to me?

      Reply
  • Due to the unbelievable cost of childcare and an evil boss I became a SAHM just last month… And I hate it. My boyfriend works 13 hour days and then wants to play video games until bed. Weekends are once again filled with video games. We have an almost 7year old and a 1year old. I have no car, only 1 friend (who is a single mom with two jobs) and all I want to do is fall asleep and not wake up anymore. I love my kids but I’m so tired. The screaming. The fighting. The endless mess. I have had other mothers suggest play dates but they always fall through or get ‘forgotten.’ I miss my job, even though my boss was terrible- I’d rather work than sit around all day long and feeling like a burden and slave. My boyfriend just brushes off my feelings because his job is soooo much harder than mine, yet he can’t take care of his two children for even a half hour so I can shower in piece. I’m so tired. I don’t know how anyone can stand to do this for years on end!

    Reply
    • Hi Tiffany, I just came on here randomly tonight & saw your post. I posted the comment above yours a week or so ago. I am so sorry to hear about all that’s going on, your BF, your feelings, etc. I know how hard it is staying home with the kids, with NO car but I can’t imagine doing it with out the support of my husband. I am praying for you tonight. Have you heard of above rubies? Please visit their site if you can. The encouragement from other moms & insight truly has given me joy in “my job.” Yes I have bad days still but having a purpose in mind makes it all worth it. Also, check out my blog & last post (it’s an encouragement to moms). LivelyLittleHome.wordpress.com
      Praying for you ♡

      Reply
    • Hi Tiffany, I am praying for your situation. I am a SAHM of 1 year old twins myself and I found myself becoming overwhelmed by life’s daily demands. I want to share some information about the ItWorks company where, everyone is like family and wants to see you succeed!
      Are you tired of having to work a stressful job? Are you tired of living from one paycheck to another? Are you looking for a vacation? Come join us with the ItWorks team, where you can enjoy spending time with your kids while gaining back your freedom!
      Connect with me via Facebook @
      hopedreamliveitworks@facebook.com

      Reply
  • I am a SAHM of 2 girls, 4 and 2. I left my job of 7 years last year and it’s a huge transition. Being a SAHM is very hard work and is exhausting. But this is the best thing we can do for our kids! I have found the following things help me to cope with the stress of being a SAHM : getting out of the house every day. We go out almost every morning. Parks, libraries, grocery store, etc. If you don’t have a car, take a walk every morning. If I don’t get out during the day, I find I feel depressed. Another thing, like others mentioned, is to have your own thing. Blogging is a great idea. I actually sell stuff on Ebay which provides me with my own money. There are tons of websites out there that can help you to learn how to sell on there. Another thing that helps is deep breathing when I feel stressed. And for the moms that can’t sleep, try melatonin, it’s a natural supplement. Good luck to all you other moms. You are all beautiful and we are doing the most important job in the world, raising the future generation. Be strong and know that you can do anything!!!

    Reply
  • Are you tired of having to work a stressful job? Are you tired of living from one paycheck to another? Are you looking for a vacation? Come join us with the ItWorks team, where you can enjoy spending time with your kids while gaining back your freedom!
    Connect with me via Facebook @
    hopedreamliveitworks@facebook.com

    Reply
  • After reading all these comments, I wish I could change the world so that SAHMs don’t have it so rough. I’m a SAHM. My husband and I decided to remove our son from public school, and I thought it would be awesome to stay home and teach him. I haven’t worked for money in 3 years, but I work like an indentured servant at home. If I take even 1 day off, everything falls apart.
    I’m lonely, tired, and feel like I’m responsible for everything. Most days are very good, same old same old – get up, exercise, meditation, playtime, breakfast, school lessons, chores. But I’m sick of my son’s complaining, sick of my husband just coming home to play on his phone, sick of mowing the yard, and exhausted and sad and if I have to touch anymore raw food I’m going to lose my MIND.
    I never get a day off.if husband sleeps all day or uses YouTube for a straight week, he’s still a saint. If I feel sick and lie down for a few hours, my kid gets depressed and husband doesn’t pick up the slack.
    It all sucks and I think being a SAHM was a horrible idea. Because I can’t get a day off. When I go out to see my friends, my family makes me feel guilty for not being there to wait on them hand and foot. I’ve about had it.

    Reply
    • I don’t think it’s being a SAHM is the problem it’s that you need a break every once in a while

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  • This article and it’s studies can take a hike. I LOVE being a stay at home parent. I would not have it any other way. I was the bigshot career person, but I was miserable as a “career mom”, I had no time for my husband or my kids. The day I needed to make my daughter to her specialist for her cancer treatments, my boss refused to give me that day off. This was the third time in a row I requested one day off out of the month, mind you. I was floored when she told me, with a glare, that I “need to get my priorities in order” meaning my child with health issues should come after my so-called career. But you know, she was correct, actually. So, that day I put in my two week notice and never looked back. Today I am a full time mom and I love every minute of it. It gets crazy, it has a lot of challenges I never had in the work force outside home, it’s understandable how so many get the wrong impression about stay at home parents. Heck, I was one of those people at one time! I only regret not giving stay at home parents more credit. But as far as being a stay at home parent I feel this is my calling, my dream career, the place I am meant to be. :) I think the real issue here is postpartum depression, how you seek treatment for it, and also it has a lot to do with who submits to these studies. Too many people today just “can’t feel human” as I call it, as in god forbid you have a bad day or feel exhausted a lot or you feel hopeless sometimes. It’s actually normal, and healthy, even my doctor told me this after my first baby while I struggled with postpartum depression. You should ahve bad days, feel bad sometimes. You can’t need pills for every single thing that goes wrong or doesn’t ‘feel good enough”, a lot of this could be taken care of naturally and with regular daily activities, and also your diet.

    Reply
    • In my situation, it’s my husband not giving me the day off. And telling me to get my priorities straight. This is after I’ve been working through the night to get my part-time work accomplished because my daughter was off school sick. My part-time job gives me the summers off and completely flexible hours in the week, and I am a team of 1 with only 20hrs of work to do in a week. So when I can’t work in the day, I work at night because I know I have 12 weeks in the summer off. But when I am getting 2-3 hours of sleep at night and ask my husband for a break and he says he’s not feeling well (mind, I caught my daughter’s stomach bug and was still looking after her, the house, and doing the work into the nights). He comes home, says he will look after the kids so I can work, and then as soon as I open my laptop he goes to lie down for a nap because he’s not feeling well – leaving my daughter calling out for nearly 40 mins in her crib and plopping the 6 year old in front of a movie. I saw to our daughter, he never got up though he admitted later he had the baby monitor on and just listened to it the whole while. 40 minutes of daughter calling out and playing and being awake was painful for me to listen to and I feel guilty now writing this but I needed to see if he was going to actually do something or not – and he chose not to. Sorry, I’m venting. The point is that each of our situations is different – perhaps you have more support than you think, or you’re in a better frame of mind. We are not all the same and just because you’re enjoying this doesn’t mean everyone else is – or should. We would all like to, I’m sure, but that doesn’t mean we are. Thank you for sharing your story though, just don’t discount this article and everyone else who is feeling what they are feeling please, we are not all the same.

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      • I completely agree, the amount of support you get from your husband will definitely determine how you feel about being a stay at home mom. I’m struggling with this as well. I love being able to be home with my 2.5 yo daughter with severe food allergies and my 3 month old son. As a matter of fact, I would have more anxiety if anyone else, including my husband, were to look after her, other than myself. BUT, it’s the lack of appreciation from my spouse, the him not engaging with our children so I can have some “me” time within the house, the him acting like he deserves a break over me, and the talking down to me, that is what’s depressing about not working out side the home. I too can go on about how we’ve changed as a couple in our short 4 years of marriage, but it seems too similar to everyone else’s story to repeat. Great to know I’m not alone. I’m seriously feeling that the only way for me to be happy is to be out of the house with the kids when he’s home and until he goes to bed, not like he really interacts with them much when he’s home anyway. He does do the cooking, but I feel like that’s just his excuse for not caring for or interacting with the kids. I even told him cooking would be a break for me, but he’s too lazy to put the effort to engage with our super energetic toddler. It really gets to me =/ ….end of rant.

        Reply
        • I have a good husband…he’ll listen, try to help, look after kids for the day (a day with a major activity like a party to take up half the day) not a day like today, 12hours of boredom and trying to think of activities)
          I feel tight chested thinking about summer holidays….this week is a short school holiday and I am writing this feeling very low. I feel like my life is shop/cook/feel bad for not cleaning, ironing/and boring with the children) today we did paint, go to park etc, but it does not fill 12hours…I have once when mum died been depressed and no not want to go back there but the school holidays scares me already and today has been horrid, many more like this and I will want to leave home
          Lots of love to all of you out there…I will go for a walk now and try and solve this, I CAN not feel like this it is absolutely horrid xx

          Reply
  • Hi mommas, i have been a homemaker for two years now and i now feel lonely and sad at times because i feel that my life has stopped. I decided to stay at home after not being sucessful in finding work that could suit me as a first time mummy with a baby. My partner does appreciate what i do around the house but at time he does complain why this has not been done yet. This is the first time that I am talking this open to anyone online and it would mean the world if someone could reply to me as i feel,i’m the only stay at home mum at the age of 27. One thing that bothers me a lot is that my father always asks my mother if i’m not looking for work and my mother calls me to kind of check in if im really looking for work because my father is thinking that i am not interested in working as i finished my degree three years ago and have not had a paid job since. I am really thinking so much about this situation that is kind of frustrating me. What is also worrying me is that our rent has fallen behind as my partners earning is not enough to pay our rent as we used to received housing benefit but no longer. I send cvs daily but attend interviews or get calls and noone has hired me. Can someone help me

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  • I have been a stay at home mom for almost 2 years. Before I met my husband, I had my son already. I was a single parent to my son and worked a crappy part time job, constantly worrying about bills or having to move back in with my mom. Now that I’ve met my husband, we have my son, 6, who’s in kindergarten and a one year old daughter. At first, I loved being a sahm! It was so refreshing. We own 3 vehicles and just bought a fixer upper house in January. Gradually, since my son started school, I’ve been staying tired all the time. I feel constant guilt that my baby isn’t getting what she needs bc I just can’t make myself do anything with her! Its like I take care of her needs but then I want her to play alone. Sometimes I think that I’m just not cut out for this. It was easier with my son, when I was a single parent. The money problems were awful, but I had a sense of pride in being the sole parent. I got to take all the credit. My husband is the kind of guy that tells you you’re wonderful one day and takes it back the next. I’m starting to wish I had never had kids. I love them so, but they deserve so much better. I dream of running away daily. I’m so depressed. I don’t want to work but don’t want to be at home all day either. I feel lime a selfish brat. I love my husband and he deserves better as well.

    Reply
    • I have three kids (ages 7,3 and 1) and I’ve just had this quiet rage stirring inside me, I’m so sad and lonely too. We moved last spring across the country for my husbands job and I don’t have any friends. We have always been on our own, without family to help with the kids, but there were always a few friends and babysitters so we could have dinner, or something. Now, I’m at home all day. We (*I) are homeschooling our oldest bc the schools are awful, and the baby cries all the time. I feel like all they do is cry and hang all over me and whine. I hide in the bathroom a lot and cry. Sometimes I have nasty thoughts about how if I could go back in time, I’d never have removed my IUD (even though it was causing all sorts of physical problems) bc I was pregnant with my youngest soon after. I feel like this third child has been the straw to break the camel’s back or so they say. I’m just miserable. I love them so much, so so much and I think that love almost makes it worse because the amount of disgust I have for myself (like, HELLO- they didn’t ask to be born, quit freaking whining) cycles the depression and loneliness. It’s never ending.

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      • I can totally relate. I feel like I’m just existing at this point and my existence is for the purpose of serving my three children and husband, I don’t even remember who I am or was before children.

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  • Most of these comments are very sad to read but I think people are under valuing the previous, brief time you have with the most important people in the world to you. Would you really be happy going back to your old life? Would you trade your kids for your old life? Do those friends who never seem to pop up anymore really matter. When I first had my son I didn’t think I could handle it, I was depressed wanted my old life back. But it passed!!!i wish I hadn’t been so involved in my depression and enjoy those early days more. He’s now almost one and I’m trying to make the most of it. Ladies, your children are there til your death… Your former life was fun but what you’re doing now matters most. I realized I’m the only one who can change my perspective and enjoy this life. It’s so brief, it’ll be over before you know it. Cherish your loved opens…really. Cherish this time make the best of it.

    Reply
  • My schedule then:

    Toss and turn with baby bump all night… Wake at 5 a.m…. Wake older kids, get them ready for school, breakfast, diaper change and bundle up the toddler and drive 25 minutes to school… Run in pee… Drive home 25 minutes. Run in and pee… Butt wiping, nose blowing, toddler bathing, house cleaning… Bundle toddler… Back in car… 25 minute drive to school… Pick up older children… 25 minute drive home… Run in pee… Immediately back in car, drive to WORK… Leave work around 9pm… Drive home… Repeat. Almost forgot those countless hours of volunteering in school.

    Not once was I told thank you, I love you, i admire what you do, You’re a great mother, wife, person…… From anyone… To this day I feel worthless.

    Seems arranging work around motherhood and child rearing backfired for me.

    The stress of my personal life, the recession and my father’s failing health caused me to abrubtly leave this job after nearly ten years. For the first time I was an official “Stay at home” mom. I was in my 40s. It was the darkest time of my life and though I was surrounded by my family I felt so incredibly alone. A loneliness that still engulfs me today. The years have flown by and I am nearing the big 50.

    I began working when I was fifteen. I graduated high school on a Friday and started working full-time that Monday. Years and years of working 9-5 was so easy compared to what my life became. I lost myself somewhere. I now know depression as I’ve never known it before.

    I am now nearly 50 and have advanced Osteoperosis, Ulcerative Collitis, Acid Reflux Disease and Plantar Fasciitis. I feel old, sick and worthless.

    My children are all beautiful though. Two adults, two teens. But just once I would have loved for someone to tell me I did well. Just one compliment from someone? Yes indeed. Motherhood is most certainly thankless whether you are a “stay at home” mom or not.

    Reply
  • I’m 27, and have been a stay at home mom for 6 years. I have two boys, almost four and my oldest is 6. My 6 year old is special needs. Non-verbal, non-mobile, tube fed, tracheostomy dependent. I will be changing his diaper till the day I die. I will be transporting him from his bed to a wheelchair, to his bathes, long after he’s too large for me to maneuver. I have to watch his seizures, I have to listen 24/7 for him to breathe. I too am depressed, sad, lonely and isolated. I have no friends, no family, no free time to myself. We live rurally, an hour and a half from town, as it is today, I haven’t left my house in over a month. I will never have the choice to go back to work, I can’t find anyone to babysit because everyone is scared off from my sons medical issues. We all get down, we all get sad, be grateful your children are healthy, be grateful you don’t have to worry if today will be the day you have to arrange to bury your child. Be grateful you can lay your children down at night, trusting they will be OK in the morning. You may lose sleep worrying about life’s obstacles, about your sadness and lifes predicaments. I lay awake at night hoping my son doesn’t suffocate in his sleep, doesn’t pull one of his tubes out, doesn’t get tangled in his tubes. No matter how bad things seem, they can always be worse. Yes, even in my situation, they could be worse.

    Reply
    • I admire you so much. If nobody tells you this you are an amazing, strong and wonderful person, stronger than I will ever be.

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  • I was a SAHM after I first had my daughter for about a year and I enjoyed most of it though it was definitely lonely. I finally got back to work and loved it I had never been happier between seeing my daughter, spending quality time and having away-me-time at work where I was still a human with a name and life and people spoke to me, not just to mom. Now I’m back to being a SAHM because a relative needed someone to watch their child and I had just got layed off but I watch their child 24/4 and my own as well (both around 2) and I’m going out of my mind, I’m still single, lost my old friends, I’m making just enough to survive, I’m only 21 and I don’t want my life as it was to be gone. I’m not me anymore I’m just mom. What am I supposed to do for myself? Without friends or coworkers life really seems pointless. Both the girls cause trouble in different ways and I try to be patient but it’s become so difficult, something needs to change, I’m depressed an its miserable.

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  • Another thing I should have said, that’s in the following article, is that when you’re depressed as a SAHM it is important to analyze EXACTLY what it is that makes you depressed, and then come up with a strategy to beat each individual item. For example, if it’s feeling like your brain is stagnating, take an online course. If you’re overwhelmed with kids toys and clutter – learn how to conquer the chaos. If it’s lack of interaction with other adults, or not feeling useful to society – you might find that volunteering, whether at your local school or at an old-age home leaves you feeling more fulfilled. Of course, usually it’s a combination of many different points – but start really considering the details of just what it is.
    Here’s the article: http://www.successful-sahm.com/#!battling-depression-as-a-sahm/ddh6p

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  • I have been a SAHM for nearly 12 years. I will not lie but between trying to be a wonderful mother and loving wife, i have neglected myself and have failed time and time again. I have felt the depression, the worthlessness, and the frustration that being a SAHM brings. I think back over the years and wonder why I’m not crazy and divorced. The fact is that I believe that being a SAHM is the greatest blessing of my life. I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world. So then you ask “why are you so miserable?” Well, besides dealing with my hypothyroidism and monthly PMS, i have the tendency to assume that other women have it perfect and im the one missing out. To put it simply I forget to be thankful for my wonderful life that i have. Its amazing how we can be adults and still act like children. That is the way i act more times than i like to admit. Trust me it took me quite awhile to realize the cause of my self-pity. Having finally understood my problem i can now work on fixing it. The solution is not a one time fix it overnight and all better in the morning, but rather drag myself out of bed everyday and having to put on my boxing gloves and fight! One of the best things i have found that gives me the most strength is not my husband, friends, mother (or any family member) or my wonderfully sweet dog:) but rather my Savior, Jesus Christ. I find that when i focus on his promises and the wonderful things he has blessed me with i find a joy in my heart, a smile on my face and reminder that i am important. It doesnt matter that im not a superstar, live in a big house, skinny, and do all things perfect. Im actually the exact opposite of those things. I love the scripture isaiah 41:10 which says “fear thou not; for i am with thee: be not dismayed; for i am thy God: I will strengthen thee: yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” God will give you the strength you need for each challenge of your life. No matter how old your children are, No matter if your husband just doesnt understand, or doesnt appreciate you.No matter how much self-pity you feel. God is there to help you with any challenge or struggle you experience. He also promises that the fight will be worth it. Galatians 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not.” Their is nothing more important than your family. I encourage you to fight for them. Wake up each morning knowing that there will be a challenge and you can overcome it! You can be a happy SAHM!

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  • It’s very depressing for me as staying at home was pushed on me and I know it is the best thing as our son is blind/autistic but I get so lonely and depressed. My DH goes out of town a lot for work and our son is completely non verbal. I am not allowed to have friends or even go out unless I need to pick up milk or something. For a great job opportunity for him we moved across country away from the only family I had left..my sister. When he’s gone I go days without anyone to talk to. I get so resentful when he comes home and tells me he stopped for a few beers with the guys at work. I wish I had someone to talk to sometimes. He wouldn’t even let me spend time with my sister if he wasn’t with us. I’m typing this now as our truck is parked outside his work on Christmas eve with my son and I in it while my old man has a fee drinks inside with his Co workers

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  • I’m feeling so lost
    I have 2 beautiful kids 7 & 4 and I’ve been a sahm since I was pregnant with my first. Separated from my husband now 2 years doing this alone is really hard. I’m still not working, he only takes our son not our daughter on the weekend. My mom is no help, she basically bitches the entire time she has my kids if ever. I don’t go out or socialize but maybe 2 times a year! I love my kids so much but I feel like I’m doing such a shitty job on my own. I feel unhappy depression is hitting hard. I grew up with a single mother that taught me nothing about life or how to be independent. Now I’ve made some choices because of that upbringing it hurt my self esteem really bad. I just want to raise my children right and have them know I love them so much. How do you get yourself back after such life changing events? Am I ever going to get this under control: (

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    • Hello Sara,

      I hope you will find my post to be encouraging to you. I was in your shoes. I had gotten pregnant by my now husband (who I have left after 14 years of marriage…I moved out last June). I felt it was the “right” thing to do to get married because of my reputation, blah blah blah. Fast forward. I got married six months later. Became a SAHM. This was not something I had ever planned on…it was his rule for how I was supposed to be as a mom. There was no debating at all. Before I knew it, 10 years had passed. My 20’s were gone. So were my early thirties. It took me a while to get my footing in the workforce and by gosh, I had to scratch and crawl to get something mildly reflective of my education and skill set. I remember feeling resentful, I cried. But…I did what I had to do…and I breastfed three of those years. First two kids were 15 months apart, then our youngest arrived six years later…yes, I stayed home with her, too. When you are feeling overwhelmed…it doesn’t mean you do love your kids or that you don’t recognize your value in their lives…or their value in yours. It does mean that you are a woman. A woman with ambition, dreams, desires, and goals. You want to see those come to fruition also. I hope that you find the strength to make some tough decisions now. Evaluate where you are and where you want to be, because girl, time passes. You’ll look up and feel like everyone’s needs were met…except yours. Blessings and Huggs.

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  • Some of these comments disturb me. I have 5 children. I have been a stay at home mom for 13 years. Motherhood is THE hardest job in the world, but it’s also reaps the most rewards. I’m talking about things that really matter. Yes, “hard” is, at moments a total understatement. However, The emotional toll of being a mother will never be underestimated in my book. Believe me, I’ve felt it all…times 5 kids and then some. I just cannot understand that you think your life will be more satisfying if you get a job. It won’t be more satisfying, it’ll just be easier. Easier on you. I know I’m going to offend working mom’s the world over but no matter why you chose to work your life is easier than mine. I know you’ll say you have to juggle work and kids. Yes, I nod my head sarcastically slow, so do I but I have to juggle work and kids in the same exact moment of every waking second of every day. You will respond “but you’re just doing laundry” to which I reply “you’re absurd! I’M raising the next generation…me. I have a permanent and lasting influence on 5 humans! Your career resumes have nothing on me. Within 3 to 6 months of retiring from your job your mark on that job will be a whisper on the wind. Not so for my job, my life. My mark is permanent. My mark will last for generations. Is motherhood hard? Absolutely!! Hardest think I’ve ever done or will ever do. Would I devote my life to anything less important or lasting? Never.

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  • I realized there was a problem when I noticed that I’d leave my folded laundry out and not put it away until after My husband came home. Sounds silly, right? Plain and simple, people don’t realize what you do for them unless it’s right in front of them. When your husband always comes home to a spotless house and clean clothes hanging in his closet and fresh towels always piled high, it’s just what it is. He doesn’t think about that kind of stuff…he’s been busy all day at his real job with real adults having real social interaction and getting real shit done. I was leaving them there just for his few words, “Thanks for doing the laundry.” How pathetic is that? I’ve even written a to-do list for “myself” when really I only wanted him to see how many things I’d crossed off so he’d be proud of me. Someone please slap me!

    The truth is, when I see all of these hard working ladies out there complaining about how hard they have it and how some days they just feel like quitting and becoming a housewife so they can “stay home and bake shit,” I feel like total crap. Staying home alone and baking shit, because you literally have nothing else to do other than clean and feed the family is the epitome of lonely. It sucks.

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    • Hello L,
      Why don’t you check out this article, http://www.successful-sahm.com/#!all-about-goals/xtzu2
      Having family goals, that you’re in with your husband and children, really does help. This article has become more of a favorite than the article about Battling Depression as a SAHM, and I think it’s because it helps with a go-forward plan. Please check it out! :)

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  • I am going through this with my wife. When she got pregnant, she asked me to start working from home more often and I agreed. My business has really taken off since the baby was born (he’s 19 months old now) and it’s been great, working from home. We’ve been traveling together, taking vacations ad I even have them come along if I need to take a work trip. The last few months, there has been an increasing tension in her. She’s become resentful and angry at me when I have to leave the house for meetings, or meet people socially. Since the baby, she lost contact with all of her friends, doesn’t get along with her family, has found it difficult to even make other mommy friends. I help out at home A LOT. I’m not just saying that, other than the laundry and some of the complex cooking I do everything from the cleaning, the grocery shopping, buying flowers, etc., yet it never feels enough. She’s never worked a real day in her life and I’ve been able to build a business from scratch and manage to be around the family and provide for them and be a part of almost everything. We’ve been having more social functions as a family – weddings, dinner invitations and such- and she just gets flustered in these settings and, basically, only talks to the baby. She refuses to leave him with anyone, and never has. She’s been shutting me out more and more and communicating less and less with me (which wasn’t much to begin with- “if I’m talking to you, I’m not giving the baby my full attention”). Anyone go through something similar and have some pointers? I think I do a decent job of being a good husband and father, but I just don’t know anymore.

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    • Hello H&D, I don’t know exactly how to answer you, but would first of all say, KEEP being a good husband and father. :) That being said, just wondering 2 things: 1) do you have joint goals? For example, is your business the end goal or is it a means to a joint goal of a bigger house or financial stability etc? 2) The other thing is: my husband & I went through some insanely tough times when we were both trying to start a business, but we were both happy – and then when that pressure was off, it was so ironic but I got very depressed myself, almost feeling like I was no longer needed or something. You and your wife might find my website useful; it’s main point is to teach Lean at Home (like Lean manufacturing) where you eliminate waste and build people. All the best – and like I said, KEEP being a good husband and father, don’t give up!

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    • Just a suggestion as I don’t know how you two work – but could you talk to her? Tell her you noticed she’s having a tough time, and ask what you can do to help her? Keep trying – my husband never started trying and I wish to God he would show me he loves me still – it’s lonely enough without having to feel he doesn’t love me anymore. If it helps – I had a really hard time with our first, and around the time he turned 4 I felt like things had gotten into better shape – I was coping much better, he was a little more independent and able to communicate, and I didn’t need my husband’s help as much (so the lack of it became less disappointing). I hope she’ll find the same when you’re little one is a little bit older… hugs.

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  • Thank goodness I’ve discovered this article. I’ve never felt so low and depressed as I do at this very minute.

    I’m used to being social and working 10 hour shifts 5 days a week that allowed me to use my skills from all the YEARS I’ve spent earning A’s in College. I wanted a career but children was more important to my husband and I. I love, absolutely LOVE my kids and just welcomed my 3rd child 11months ago. The new baby brings me to tears with happiness because she is such a sweetheart that is ALWAYS smiling.

    With all that said, I’m still stuck home all day everyday in isolation in a new home we bought in the a location that is “too far” for any family or “friends” to visit me. 35 minutes when traffic isn’t too busy then 45-50 minutes during rush hour. I’m expected to get all the kids up and ready (diaper bags, strollers, meals, kids dressed and loaded into car seats ) and drive to visit them because I’m the one who decided to move so far.

    Lifting all the car seats and the kids by myself to go to the grocery store has caused my back to be in pain when I bend over to lift baby out of car seat.

    I’m currently on day 11 of not being able to walk because I threw my back out AGAIN when getting my daughter out of her tub and now feel even more worthless to this world because I need my husband to do all the grocery shopping, pick the babies up out of the cribs because of my back pain. I’m worried about the hospital bills so I haven’t made a doctors appointment hoping it subsides.

    So here I am, a sahm that not only is unemployed and doesn’t have a real “job” but can’t even do my mommy role because of my back pain.

    I decided to start my very own website called http://www.MySkinnyPlate.com a few months back to help moms lose their pregnancy weight and to feel good about themselves while trying to bring in some loose change to feel like I’m contributing to the world and my husband who is burdened by being the only bread winner (we don’t like the day cares in our area and it would take half of my working earnings so we decided it was best for the kids if I quit my career I had before).

    I feel a lot better now that I have my website and that I can help moms look and feel better because I was super depressed once I had my third baby and seen what it did to my body. But even the website hasn’t cheered me up because I’m still ISOLATED. I no longer have friends and barely see family because they’re always “working unlike myself who is sooooo much free time with no job and all” yeah, I love when people assume I can show up to every event because “you don’t work so I will see ya there, right?”

    I’m not allowed to complain about my day to anyone because I get this response,”what do you have to complain about you don’t work and can watch tv and lounge all day.” Okay, first, I don’t know any mother of a 4 years old and a 11 month old plus third child in school that has the time to lounge and watch tv all day. I’m embarrassed to admit there have been times hat I’ve gone almost 3 days without a shower because I don’t have anyone to watch them during the day so I can shower without worrying that the baby put something in her mouth or my 4 year old is emptying out the fridge and smearing peanut butter on the walls (he wouldn’t ever do that just an example of my paranoia :-) ) and once my husband gets home I feel bad to ask him to watch the kids after he’s “worked a real job” all day long and I need to get dinner ready anyway and by the time the kids are in bed I’m tired from all the lounging I did all day and all the tv I watched that a shower can wait another day so I can hit the bed before 11 to get up at 6:30 am (the kids wake up this early–not lying) to start my “Groundhog Day” all over again. Rinse and repeat.

    Laundry
    Grocery shopping
    Buckling babies in and out of car seats at every stop I need to make even if it’s as simple as going into the post office (car seats are a pain in the rear when you have two or more kids using them and it is pouring raining out and no arms left for an umbrella :’-(. ) but I do don’t have a real “job”. Those car seats have destroyed my early 30’s back that used to run 10 miles 5 days a week.

    I used to always laugh and smile and make up funny songs with my kids to sing along to and now I cry in the bathroom where it’s the only place I have any privacy aside from the little fingers I see wiggling under the door wondering where’s mommy at.

    My husband wanted to cheer me up a bit and said I could adopt two kids from a rescue organization because I absolutely adore cats. We built a two story Cat house with ramps made with carpet as a scratching post and I cut up the remaining carpeting and turned the carpet over (rougher side) and hot glued the carpet side and attached to the roof for shingles (looks just like shingles) and made homemade curtains. This cat house looks like a real Victorian house.

    I picked out the cats as a valentines gift for me and the family and they would be delivered once they’ve been neautered.

    Flash forward a week (present day) and these two new companions of mine have been hiding in places my bad back can’t go into and are too timid to meet the family (scaredy cats to the extreme) and everytime I bring them their food because they’re too scared to go into the kitchen they hiss at me and my husband. :-/

    So my husbands gift to cheer me up of my isolation and lack of friends and adult conversations has back fired and made me even more depressed. I can’t even get cats to “talk” to me. I have a huge houseful of people and now animals and have never felt lonelier.

    I love my website and have fun with it but nothing compares to coffee with buddies and catching up on our favorite reality shows.

    I really miss my hobby of sneaking off to a bookstore ordering a cup of coffee and skimming the books im wanting to read but end up reading the entire book at the store (fast reader) and feeling bad about reading it before paying for it that I go ahead and still buy the book because I felt like my eyes were stealing other people’s words. I knew I wouldn’t read the book for a second time but I have a strong conscience lol. I donate the books, instead.

    I haven’t been to a book store in two years. :-(

    My life is grocery stores, my website (only thing I can use the skills learned in College–a lot of coding and html, editing goes into a website–it’s not just a blogging hobby) I mentioned what I did about what goes into running a website because nobody takes it seriously. “You write articles about weight loss recipes and tools to help, but that’s a hobby not any type of work” I really need to stop talking to certain Debbie downers. There is a lot more to it than typing as I put a lot of hard work into it all day long during the kids naps, meal times, cartoon hour etc.

    Wow, this comment is getting too long to be considered a comment more or less a guest post about depression and mommy isolation, haha! I feel like I inadvertently hijacked this article. I’m so sorry to the poster. Lonely mom here just venting.

    Well, I do believe I’ve shared enough. Time to go change out the laundry again. Fun times.

    Lisa -follow my happier side at http://www.myskinnyplate.com I can safely say I’m atleast a very good cook lol. :-)

    P.S hang in there ladies, it will get better and we get to watch our kids during the most precious moments of their lives. I’ve never missed on first step or first word my three kids have done. :-)

    Reply
  • I apologize for the typos. I’m using my iPhone while my second oldest is with the dentist.

    I noticed I accidentally typed “adopting two kids” when it should have said KITTENS lol. Plus a bunch of other errors. Sorry. I will shut up now. :-)

    -Lisa

    Reply
    • LOL Lisa – I read your comment and figured it out but at first I thought – WOW, adopted two kids? haha xx

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    • PS – Just a thought about the car seats – we bought a travel system for our first – car seat fits on to the buggy wheels – and the buggy wheels folded flat in the trunk of the car so I could still do the grocery shopping. Mine was a Britax, but maybe there is something else out there that will hold the 2x car seats – something like this one? I have NO affiliation with this link, I just know how awesome our travel system was for our first, and then again for our second – pop the car seat into the car, and then the whole car seat out of the car and on to the wheels, and then get the shopping done. One of the best things I bought.
      http://www.rightstart.com/joovy-twin-roo-plus-stroller-frame.html?gclid=CLPvx8bHossCFdgegQodGdkFEA

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  • I cried after I read this post. I have a phd degree and was a college teacher, but I can’t find a job near home and I don’t want to leave my baby, so I have to be a stay home mom, sometimes I feel soooooo longly, so depressed, I feeI I’ve wasted all my knowledge and abilities

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  • I’m so glad I found this. I stay at home everyday and watch my four kids (3 step, 1 biological). My boyfriend works long days but so do I. I get up about 5 times every night to feed OUR baby and then after maybe 2 or 3 hrs of sleep I get up to take care of the rest of kids. All I have asked from him is that he get up ONE time at night with the baby…just so I can get a little tiny bit more sleep. I already have sleeping problems while he falls asleep 2 minutes after hitting the pillow. But he says since he works he shouldn’t have to get up with her at all. I am 20 and he is 30… as strange as it may sound we have quite a lot in common, but he is like a stranger to me lately… no longer kind and quirky. I’ve lost my best friend and gained 4 kids and a life of no respect

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  • Hi when I got married my husband told me he wanted me to be a stay at home mom , I thought that was fine , I hadn’t gone to college , I didn’t have any job skills , so being at home taking care of our family was fine with me , We ended up having nine 9 children , Yes I was a stay at home mom , I took care of Amal nine , I also breastfeed them all , there were times I was depressed , lonely even though I had all those kids , I didn’t have time for myself , But that was my job I stay home , My husband went off to work he made the money , I paid the bills , there were times he didn’t work , and it was really hard making ends meet , living pay check to pay check but we did it , I love all my children and I wouldn’t trade my time with them for anything , It’s just that my husband doesn’t think me being a mother was a job , he thinks I didn’t do anything hard, , His job was hard and that’s why he made the money, Well here I am now after 30 some years feeling worthless , depressed, not knowing what I’m going to do with the rest of my life , The last of my kids is graduating soon So just me and my husband will be left . My husband and I have grown apart , he does his own things , which just leaves me at homeHes told me that he doesn’t love me any more or even care about me , he says we have children and grandchildren so we should stay together for them , Well he knows how close I am to them , cause I was he one who took care and loved them but out of obligation he stays cause he feels that I can’t survive with out him He knows I don’t have any job skills , un less you count taking care of children , cooking , cleaning , everything that goes into being a mom and a wife He has a job and always will , What do I do , Stay with a man that is very controlling, says it’s his way or no way, What do I want to do u ask , I want to see what elas is out there , I was with my family , Then I got married had kids raised them , they now all have there own life’s , so I want to see what elas is out there for me . I was going to stay at one of my daughters home for a few days to help out with a new baby , I was told by my husband he didn’t want me to , cause when he goes to work he says he doesn’t think he should have to come home and make his own dinner. That’s what I’ve been redosed to I’m still here in his life just to make him his dinner I just can’t take it any more , I want out , but how do I leave , no money , no job skills and he knows it Two of my daughters have told me its my turn now they see me getting my own place , having my own life , traveling doing what I want And this is what I want Am I scared yes very much , but I have to do something So to all u women out there Being a SAHM is great taking care of your children is rewarding , but husbands have to help , husbands have to see that we have a important job too we don’t make money for doing what we do , but we do it out of love for our family Me I have to learn to stick up for my self , get independent of my husband , find something I’m good at and see if there’s a job out there for me .Oh and one more thing mu husband and some of my family walk all over me , I was always doing for all of them I put them all first Well now it’s my turn , I just don’t know how or where to start . But start I will Thanks

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  • Such a great article! Another variable into the mix could also be the fact that many of us are in the Gen x or millennial generation with baby boomer parents. That means baby boomer grandparents translation extremely self absorbed the newly retired people that in my case seem to feel that they really missed out in their already indulgent young life. My mom lives an hour away and babysits maybe two or three times a year I shouldn’t even call it babysitting till grandparents just want to be with her grandkids? Anyway when I was a stay home mom that was part of my depression grandparents lived in the same city and never came to Visit & I was not made to feel that I could go over there unless it really fit into their schedule

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  • I stay at home because it makes financial sense and I hate working for corporations. I love staying home. I have things that I do for me, alone. I play soccer with other moms. I garden. I make bath and body products. I go to concerts, alone. You must find a way to retain the most important pieces of you REGARDLESS of what ANYONE else thinks. Husband commented that the laundry would be done if I did not spend my day in the garden. To hell with that crap. The garden will die if I don’t let the laundry lie. Priorities! Happy moms are best so make sure you do what makes you happy so you can be the best mom! And if you ass of a husband comments that the laundry is not done, just smile and go do the dishes.

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  • Oh my gosh I’m a miserable mother of 3 toddlers. My husband is so ungrateful. I think he’s cheatibg in me with out next door neighbor. We haven’t been romantic in years. He won’t even sleep in the same bed with me. He just stays up late watching porn on his phone and masturbating in our bed like I’m not even there. I just wish I could have a little free time and appreciation back. Sometimes I don’t even have time to move my bowels and properly clean myself afterwards. I just want to be wanted again. Our money is very tight and we fight a lot about money. I am thinking about joining Tinder – has anyone tried that? How did this happen to me?

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  • My wife is a stay at home mom of 8. Age 3 to now 21. HAs homeschooled them all to this point. We have an 8 yr gap between our 4 oldest and the 4 youngest. We were inspired to restart the process. She has struggled w depression without a doubt. A husband wife just needs to know they are not alone and they have to remember what’s best for their kids is maintaining sanity. We have had significant challenges with life balance and serious medical challenges w our oldest. We have learned to ask for help and to learn what’s your priorities. It’s okay if yard isn’t mowed or your kids hair is messy or you eat pancakes for dinner. Time is short and not letting the world drive your expectations relieves alot of pressure.
    I have not read all the posts but i hope the article does not discourage Moms from staying home. Most often it is the best thing for them and us in the long run. GO MOMS

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  • I often wonder why is it that some husbands do not help their wives with taking care of the kids and household chores… Why??

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  • I can relate to a lot of moms here. I’m a sahm to a 3.5 month old. I had to leave work at 3 months pregnant because of hyperemesis. I was hospitalised multiple times for dehydration and an inability to eat due to all the vomiting. Staying at home all the time made me feel awful. I’d lost all my independence, since I wasn’t even safe to drive. My boyfriend works 12 hour night shifts with an alternating schedule (works Monday, Tuesday, Friday through Sunday; has off those days the following week). Whenever he came home, he’d take his shower and go to bed, then sleep in. Wake up, and immediately start playing on his phone. I struggled to get his attention all the time. This persisted right up until our daughter was born. I still have trouble with it now. He tries to help out a little more, but the help entails taking our daughter so I can get a break, then immediately following it with “can you do me a favour before you sit down?” I end up catering to him and our little girl instead of enjoying my down time. And now that she’s started teething early, I get so many sleepless nights with so little help. I have to do all the cleaning after being awake for more than 36 hours. I ask for a small break before he goes to work and I end up having to take care of his stuff because he refuses to work on time management. I’ve also felt really unattractive to him (and in general) because I’ve put on 10-15 lbs since having her. He doesn’t really pay all that much attention to me, and the affection he does show is limited almost exclusively to hugs and the occasional kiss. It makes me feel more like that awkward friend in high school that everyone kinda feels bad for instead of his girlfriend. When we go out, he’s quick to notice other attractive women. Before my pregnancy, that never bothered me, but that changed when he started to barely notice me. Yesterday I told him I wished I was one of the Asian models displaying the clothes I’d been looking at so that I could wear what I wanted and actually be able to look at myself in the mirro again. His response was to tell me he’d always wanted to have sex with an Asian girl (really sorry for any offense that may have caused, ladies) and I just started crying. When I explained to him that he just told me his fantasy was sex with everything I’m not and everything I currently wish I was, he at least apologised, but the feeling that he’s not attracted to me anymore, despite what he says still remains. I always thought things would be different as a parent. Instead, while I love spending time with my daughter, I end up feeling isolated, alone, unattractive, sad, resentful, and just overall worthless. Here’s to hoping things get better, ladies.

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  • I have been a SAHM for 24 years. My eldest is now nearly 23 and youngest 5. I returned casually to teaching after my first was born but fell pregnant unexpectantly when he was 5 mths old. We then moved and I decided to be at home whilst they were young. When my 3rd was diagnosed with profound hearing loss returning to teaching was not possible. I was youngish and had a husband that helped enormously around the home. We wanted a large family and we had 8. However after our last was born deaf and just before her 2nd birthday I discovered my husband had been having affairs and one night stands with other men and had syphillis. This had been going on for years apparently but I never knew.
    He moved out and I moved to the town where my parents lived about 4 hrs away. I have been here 2 and a half years. I still feel extremely lonely and depressed and worthless. I have been out of the work force for 23 years. I would have to retrain to be a teacher again and really I don’t want to teach. I am 47 and have no employable skills. I still have 3 children in school and 1 in pre school. 2 are profoundly deaf.
    I am loathe being at home and the everyday monotony. I have a back injury that affects how much I can do and any employed work I may get.
    I feel my ex has not just taken my marriage and past life away but also my future. I love my children but being a mother at home I feel totally unappreciated and worthless. I have found it incredibly difficult making friends as most women work and have their own families to connect with on weekends etc. Money is tight and thus not able to do dinners out or movie nights etc. I know many people but haven’t really connected or been able to further relationships to a deeper connection.
    I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel and the future looks very bleak. I feel that when all the children have left home I’ll be an old,unemployable woman living in a run down housing commission home in a socially economic depressed area. Very different from the vision of Ma and Pa sitting on the porch watching the grandchildren playing whilst smiling and holding hands.
    I live in Australia but the issues SAHM face are very similar.

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  • Omg i feel like im going craxy this is my nine yeas of staying home i have three kids i am starting to feel depresd and i realy realy need a job to get out of the hous im aguring everiday with my husbent i cant take it iv never work

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  • It’s a thing of joy to have someone on earth who God almighty has sent to redeem and help those that are in captivity. My husband divorced me but Doctor Osemu Okpamen recently saved my broken marriage again. You can find more on my blog-post here ( http://wagnerjessi.blogspot.com ) about how my marriage was reunited. Wagner Jessi, UK, Hampshire.

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  • I’m a stay at home mom of 3..I get no break…I have no family…I don’t really feel sad..definitely mad….I have a grip on keeping it in until I vent to my hubby who works a ton of hours….the problem I’m having is I’m constantly tired….I don’t think I’m depressed…definitely understand appriciated…but just mainly have no energy…I CAN’T KEEP GOING ON LIKE THIS!!! I’ve tried energy drinks caffeine coffee and every herb out there….getting a job is not an option…any suggestions…. I really need help..I don’t want antidepressants or anything like that I’ve tried n they messed me up bad….please help!!!

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  • I am going through the same situation right know.. i resigned from my job as a school teacher and thought being a sahm is the most enjoyable carrier in the world. Well… i am enjoying my self.. i do tuition classes and also do online busines… monthly i can get around the same salary as i do as a teacher. Buuut… i recently found out im snappy with my 2 daughters. They are happy kids. Giggling non stop and playing messing the house. I feel im a bad mom snapping at them to get out from my room and play far away from me. I get annoyed and feel annoyed at the noise my children make. I never want to go back to work again though. Do i need a break? husband is kind and understanding… he understand my situation… never makes me feel underappreciated. Recently a booked a holiday only my husband and i. Used a portion of our life saving. Part of me says im wasting money.part of me says i need this to be sane. To all the sahm mothers i pray we stay strong and find our will power. One day our children will grow up and leave us to be on their own… and when we look back… we might even regret being depressed in the first place and try to enjoy what we have more. God bless

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  • Sure there are days that are a little boring but continuous anger and what not stems from a much deeper issue, not knowing Gods purpose and plan for your life. Seek Him first, life isn’t about YOU, it’s about glorifying God and once you figure that out, you will be in a much better place not to say life will be easy, but you will never want it without God again.

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  • No vacation? What do you call summer break off with the kids every year? Yes, there are still a few chores to be done..but who doesn’t have those? As a working man…I have to say I sort of resent the pictures I’m sent via text while hard at work of the daily pool visits, beach, etc. etc. Don’t tell me that’s not a vacation. Get over it ladies. You want equality..then be sure you’re seeing things objectively.

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  • Hasnae B.

    I hope all the judgemetal mummies that write books and researchers on what good parenting stop existing, then new motherhoo can decide for themovies what is suitable for them and Child. I am a stay at home mom for six Months, the past week my babygirlgoes started daycare 2 days a week, she loves plating with other babies! I Will be applying for a part time job, because I feel like I am losing myself after staying at home for 10 Months.

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  • Hasnae B.

    Trust me,working is easier than being a stay at home mom, coming from a former trade in international trade finance! There is no metime, not even time to go to thebathroom! Sobe kind to stay At home moms!

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