Why I’ve Spanked My Kids

Harrison Township mom Rebecca Thomas explains why she’s spanked her kids when they’re younger and how this form of discipline works for her family.

Article Excerpt

My daughter and I were recently having a standoff. I wanted to change her diaper and she wanted to play with her toys.

I asked her politely to come get her diaper changed. She ignored me. I called her name and said it sternly. I counted: One ... two ... and…

—End of excerpt—


Comments
    • Did you read the whole article. A swat no violence,on a diapered bottom no less.

      Reply
  • yes, it might get your immediate result but what are you teaching your child? that it is okay to use violence as long as you don’t seriously injure someone? This woman makes no sense and tries to use spanking to defend her obviously short fuse–there have been numerous studies that proove spanking is not effective and leads to behavioral problems down the line as adolescents and adults.

    Reply
    • I mean reallyyyy?! your daughter smirks at you so you swat her. I feel so sorry for this woman’s children.

      Reply
      • A child should never smirk at their parents. Children being disrespectful to a parent should never be tolerated, but it’s at that parents discretion what form of discipline is necessarry

        Reply
        • Why are you all stuck on the smirk the child was given chances. It’s like your child looking at you and saying go ahead try to change my diaper.

          Reply
  • I see both sides of the coin on spanking. Both sides can point to scientific studies to support or denounce either cause. So scientific data is not conclusive because of that. Each child is different and age plays a role in type of discipline. However, that decision is up to the parent. No one else. We are our brother’s keeper to make sure no abuse is there. However the line of abuse is clearly marked and it is not at no spanking. The end result is a respectful, self sufficient, well adjusted adult. Either way be respectful of each other. No one wants a Monday morning parent in there household.

    Reply
    • I’m not sure I agree with this statement: “the line of abuse is clearly marked and it is not at no spanking.” Would you agree with this assessment if a man disciplined his wife in the same way? Or maybe a boss to his employee? Why do we set a lower bar when dealing with children?

      Reply
  • Spanking is a short-term solution. Long term it teaches that physical abuse is ok. Especially a child in diapers!!
    o give an appropriate motivation (NOT fear) does not mean you are acting as her friend. It shows respectful parenting

    Reply
  • Each child is different. My daughter i look at her side ways and she cries, raise my voice slightly and she listens. My son is completely unresponsive to anything. One time i thought he was deaf, and had to take him to doctors cause all the yelling in the world wont raise a pulse from him— but spanking?! That gets his attention. It’s easier to bend a tree when it’s young then full- grown. We have to raise our own children– and don’t want the system doing it for us. Spanking has been equated to abuse from a couple of bad apple’s but it is a form of discipline. I got spanked. Hated it.. but it was a great behavior modifier. Hurray for the bravery of writing about such a judged subject. Every home is different/every child unique.

    Reply
  • Thank You for sharing what a lot of these parents commenting negatively already know “spankings” work. As a child I got spanked it taught me right from wrong. I honestly believe everyone commenting have had a hand laid on them by a parent back in their day. It kept you in line “Everyone” on this page knows this they just refuse to admit it

    Reply
  • Your daughter not crossing the room to you when you asked her required your “last resort” discipline method? There are more tools in a parent’s toolbox than that. There’s a lot to choose from between asking her and striking her. Like crossing the room yourself and picking her up, for instance. Letting her bring her toy to the changing table. Redirection. If spanking is your discipline method of last resort, why are you using it for such minor infractions rather than serious ones, like running into traffic or getting into the cleaning supplies? Instances of actual danger?

    We choose not to spank our kid, but if it was a method we did decide to use, you can bet it wouldn’t be for minor things like this. Three year olds shouldn’t be hit for doing normal three year old things.

    Reply
  • Children age 5 and under have very little memory. My six year old doesn’t remember what he did yesterday. A SWAT or spanking can be VERY effective with young children especially when the child is in danger. Our job as parents is to DIRECT the child in the way (s)he needs to go and especially for SAFETY. There comes that moment in every relationship regardless of age where we test to see “Does this person really mean what they SAY?”. I swift, prompt swat to the padded bottom of a child challenging parental authority lets them know that the answer is, “YES! I DO MEAN WHAT I SAY! You are safe with me kid. You can count on me! I’m paying attention to you because YOU matter to me and to this world. So when I say to only play in the driveway and not out in the road, you betchya, I DO mean it!” When I say we’re not going to watch that PG-13 movie, my child knows that I mean it and knows why! Because I love him and choose to protect his eyes. No swat required. Why? Because I made it clear through many forms of discipline including swats and spankings before they reached age 6. It’s a process of learning and those of you who don’t understand the value of swats and spankings, it just means you haven’t taken on that process. It can be scary and there’s no blame for those who haven’t. But please don’t judge those of us who went there. There is great value to a controlled, loving hand that offers swift consequences to inappropriate and sometime dangerous to the child behavior. Most of the families with well behaved children have used this form of discipline to some degree. Thanks for being brave enough to speak the truth Rebecca.

    Reply
  • If a child doesn’t respect what mama says to do in the bedroom, she isn’t going to when it really matters most like when a car is coming toward her. Let’s just imagine, mommy says, “Get out of the road dear” and the child turns and gives the same look as in the bedroom scenario. When a parent has taken her authority over her child anywhere, it will make a difference everywhere. Including in the parking lot.

    Reply
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    PARENTING ISSUES & TIPS
    From the October 2016 issue

    Why I’d Never Spank My Kids
    Farmington Hills mom Rebecca Kavanagh doesn’t spank her kids because she thinks it teaches them that violence is a viable option.

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    Rebecca Kavanagh • September 28, 2016
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    Is-it-OK-to-Spank-Your-Child_Con_Rebecca Kavanagh
    Would I spank the two people most precious to me – defenseless little ones whom I eagerly built from scratch? No. Never. Not ever.

    My daughter and son are teens now, but even during their naughtiest phases, I didn’t once consider spanking as a disciplinary option. Not when Jackson pulled his tiny hand from mine and dashed toward a busy intersection, not when Sophia looked straight into my eyes and lied, not when the two of them bickered in the backseat long after I’d warned them to stop-right-now-or-else. “Or else” was never a spanking. Of course not. A thousand times no.

    In my mind, spanking is hitting and hitting is child abuse. I might roar in anger. I might slam a drawer in frustration. I might cry behind the bathroom door on the hardest of days. But I would never raise a hand and watch my darlings cower.

    However, I’m an open-minded person. Because I had never truly contemplated spanking – the way I tallied the pros and cons of potty-training methods, for example – I played devil’s advocate and looked at what the latest wisdom would show.

    I didn’t have to look long. My first Google hit took me to a story about a research team from the University of Michigan and the University of Texas who analyzed 75 studies involving more than 150,000 children across a 50-year time span. These five decades’ worth of studies all came to incredibly consistent conclusions: There is a correlation between spanking and negative outcomes and absolutely no correlation between spanking and positive outcomes.

    In other words, the experts say, not only is hitting your kid cruel, it’s counterproductive.

    A smack on the bottom shows kids that violence is a viable option. If you swat your son on the butt after he scampers away from you at the zoo, why would he think twice about slugging a buddy while arguing about Mario Kart?

    You may think you’re getting their attention and causing an instinctual aversion, so that your child associates pain with a particular action. But if that child is too young to understand cause-and-effect as explained to them (“Don’t pull the doggy’s tail or he will bite you and I will put you in timeout”), then he is also too young to make the mental connection you’re intending. Instead, the association he’s making is: Parent equals pain.

    Listen, I get it. You were spanked as a kid and you turned out fine. But we’re not raising our children the way our parents raised us. We buckle them in tightly instead of letting them tumble across the backseat. We strap helmets on their noggins instead of waving as they zoom off unprotected. We ban cigarettes in restaurants instead of feeding kids burgers in a cloud of lung-coating smoke. We know so much more than our parents did – stuff that seems common sense now. Including: Don’t hit. Don’t hit anyone, ever, but especially the littlest among us, the ones we love the most, the people we’re supposed to protect.

    I believe that in this increasingly angry and confrontational society, parents have a responsibility to teach our kids nonviolent behavior, right alongside the golden rule and please and thank you.

    Don’t get me wrong – I’m not in favor of letting kids run wild, or addressing bad behavior with long-winded discussions about making better choices. Children should be well behaved and learn right from wrong. But there is middle ground between spanking and indulging.

    Parenting with brainpower instead of brute force requires a lot of patience, a lot of effort and – ironically – a hands-on approach. It means delivering predictable and logical consequences, both positive and negative. Praise good behavior (“Thanks for holding onto my hand all the way across the street, buddy!”) and punish the bad, explaining what your child has done wrong and why it’s punishable.

    There are many non-physical ways to deliver consequences. You can put kids in timeout, temporarily take away their privileges or assign a “make good” – write a letter of apology, do extra chores or forfeit their allowance to pay for something broken, for example. You don’t have to hit your kids to prove you have power.

    Harrison Township mom Rebecca Thomas doesn’t have a problem with spanking her children as a form of discipline. Read more about her viewpoint on spanking here.

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    Comments
    . September 29, 2016
    Agree with you 100%. Nicely written, and with research to support your view.
    Reply
    . September 30, 2016
    Absolutely. A child that is hit learns to hit.
    Reply
    . October 10, 2016
    Spanking your kids is necessary for their mental, emotional and spiritual growth. There is a difference between appropriate discipline and abuse. As a Christian, I MUST try my best to raise my children in a Godly manner; the Bible tells us that if we withhold discipline, we hate our child. If we discipline our children, it’s because we love them. The Bible also says that if we fail to spank our children, we spoil them. It’s all about how we do it; we must know when to spank and when there should be another form of punishment / discipline. We must also remember before or after spanking, to explain our reason, to reassure them that we love them and set bounderies.

    Reply
  • This is crazy. Spanking a innocent child I think it is kind of crazy and dumb. Do you have to spank a child I say no because it makes your child think you are mean. I say no to spanking.

    Reply

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October 2016
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