Sex. It’s a normal part of any healthy and functioning relationship, and phone features like texting (and apps like Snapchat) make it easier than ever to let your significant other know that they’re gonna get some when you get home.
Of course, with texting comes the possibility of getting the message getting lost in translation.
One must always be upfront and direct when talking about getting or giving little whoopee – or else your partner might not get it, and you might end up in an incredibly awkward situation.
Take Dustin Sims’ story, for example.
The comedian was talking to his wife on the phone during his lunch break and she was telling him that she was making pork chops for dinner.
They hung up with each other and “not even 10 minutes later,” Sims got another text from his wife saying that she wanted to “try something a little different tonight.”
Thinking that his wife was referencing their recent conversation, Sims replied, “sure, whatever you want” and “as long as you have it ready for me when I get there.”
Thing is, Sims’ wife wasn’t talking about dinner – she was sexting and talking about a little bedroom action. So she responded with “yes daddy, it’ll be ready when you get here.”
Sims didn’t get it and explained in a now-viral Facebook video that he simply thought she was really hungry and making an elaborate dinner, so he decided to surprise her by skipping the gym, picking up the kids and coming home early.
And she was probably definitely surprised because when Sims and the kids got home, mommy dearest was naked – surrounded by newspapers and pickled relish … hey man, I don’t judge.
Naturally, the kids freaked out and asked their mom where her clothing was and why she was naked. In return, mom freaked out and told Sims that he told her to have it ready and it’s ready.
And dad stood there refusing to take the blame because he thought she was talking about dinner.
Moral of the story? As Sims puts it “Ladies, don’t send your man subliminal messages. If you want the D, just say you want the D.”
And he’s probably right. Sure, telling your partner that you want to jump their bones might not be the most “ladylike” or “proper” thing in the world, but it beats the hell out of a live-action sex talk and having to explain to your kids why you were naked and covered in *insert kink here*.
Have you ever misinterpreted a text and ended up in hot water? Tell us about it – and any funny misunderstandings – in the comments.