“I better not catch you having sex.” It’s the statement that many of us heard from our parents growing up. Recently, a dad of two teens – a boy who is 13 and a girl who is 15 – posted his sex rules on Reddit – rules he’s shared with his two children. After having the conversation with them, this dad shared his rules with other Reddit users.
Dad says when you have sex, you must be “ready.” But what does that mean to be ready? He gave his children four things to consider:
The first rule is if children are not mature enough to talk about it with their parents (and want to sneak around), then they are not ready. Secondly, they must have complete trust in their partner – and be mature enough to have that sort of trust.
“Start slow and work your way from holding hands and talking to kissing, touching,” he writes in the post. “That gives you time to really know your partner, develop trust and a measure of real affection not just infatuation and lust.”
Rule No. 3: Understanding the importance of condoms and how to use them. And finally, do not have sex in eerie places like stairwells of schools and the gym. Do it in a safe place like the bedroom, dad suggests.
The father, who prefers to remain anonymous, tells Mic he decided to talk about sex with his children after finding out what his son learned in his school sex education program.
“We found out from my son that their idea of sex ed was: 1. A man’s penis goes into a woman’s vagina to make a baby, 2. It is very dangerous and if you do it too much or too soon you will die and 3. Don’t do it,” he tells Mic in an email.
He chose to follow the Dutch sex education model, which teaches the importance of safe sex and how it – and relationships – impacts one’s growth.
“Open discussion, no shame,” the father tells Mic.
Parents who talk with children about sex make a big difference in their lives, says Planned Parenthood. When there is a parent-child discussion, it reduces the chances of having sex early, the number of partners a person has – plus it increases the chances of using condoms.
But how much freedom is too much?
The father says on his post he has a locked door policy. He does not have a problem with his children coming to him about wanting to have sex with somebody, and asking if their partner could come over the house.
Telling them “no” may push them to go somewhere unsafe, but allowing it to happen at home may push them to ask continuously.
However, he received positive feedback from parents who tried the same approach and people who grew up but wished they had that talk as a teenager. Reddit user Dexter_Jettster says she wanted her father to have this type of conversation with her when she was younger.
“I snuck, put myself in scary situations and mostly because of my dad being strict,” she says.
But a few felt the opposite. One commenter on Cosmopolitan says he didn’t believe in the advice and called it stupid and terrible.
When I was 11 years old, my parents sat me down the day before I started sixth grade. They talked to me about sex and what could happen if I’m not smart and careful. The conversation turned out to be different than what I learned in middle school. Like most schools, sex education was about what the different genitals were on a man and woman.
It’s essential for children to be comfortable with talking to their parents about sex. However, sex is not appropriate for all ages. Is there an age limit? No. But I do not think children should have sex at a young age – like 12 or 13. There is nothing wrong with talking to children at a young age about sex because what parents do not tell them, someone else will tell them.
I commend this father for having that relationship with his children because it reminds me of the relationship I have with my parents. Numerous friends told me they wish they could talk to their parents about sex like I did with mine. I appreciate my parents for being forward with me.
Sex education in school is necessary, but it is not enough. There needs to be a parent-children discussion outside of the classroom.
What do you think? Is this how you’d have a sex talk with your kids? Tell us in the comments section below.