Is It Wrong I Love My Kids More Than My Husband?

One mom says her husband thinks she loves the kids more than him – and she thinks he's right. Here, some local parents weigh in on this issue.

Woman holding kids away from man

Each month, we pose a parenting question from local moms and dads to local moms and dads. This month, one mom is wondering whether or not she’s right to love her kids more than her husband. Here’s what other local parents have to say on the issue.

Mom’s question

My husband thinks I love our kids more than I love him. If I am telling the truth, he’s probably correct, but I think that is the way it should be. He says that’s so wrong. Wondering what other parents think about this?

Metro Detroit parents’ answers

Maybe he is feeling like he is taking a backseat to their needs? Every couple needs an occasional date night – time to focus on what brought you together. Sounds like he just misses you a bit and doesn’t know how to communicate that. Basically, focus on why do you think he is saying this? What emotion in him is triggering this conversation in the first place? Kris P.

A healthy strong relationship is based on communication. When my husband and I agreed on committing to a loving marriage, we made sure to meet each other’s families, sat down and discussed our goals personally and professionally, children, home, pets, likes and dislikes. And although it takes time to build a relationship it was important to discuss together before marriage. I believe husbands are the center of attention at first when married and then your children come and it becomes our children first and then us. For us it has worked well to place our children first and then us. We have a loving, caring, respectful, not perfect but great marriage. – Mia A.

There are different types of love when it comes to a spouse and children. You love your children but are “in love” with your husband, or you can say you are not “in love” with your children but yet you love them. Both are special types of love yet different. Love for children is unconditional and you chose to love a spouse. – Jennifer G.

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Your husband needs to grow up! If your kids aren’t No. 1, there would be something wrong with you! – Dayna M.

A strong marriage makes a strong family. Sounds like he is missing you. Spend some time with him. Start dating again. Many times when the focus is on the kids and when they are grown and have moved out, many marriages break apart because the couple have lost their connection to each other. – Kristy B.

I personally think people compare the two way too often. You actually should love them both equally just in different ways. Dianna A.

Husband first, then kids. Kids will grow and have their own families. He was there before, during and after the kids. – Jen E.

Personally, I don’t think you can compare the two. And if you can, then your marriage is in trouble. He sounds insecure and this competition he seems to have with your kids for your love sounds dangerous. – Sarah R.

I think both parents should prioritize the needs of the children. Love should never be compared. He sounds jealous, and I would be very uncomfortable with that. If he needed more of your affection, the mature and stable thing to do would be to tell you that without comparing the relationship you have with your children to the one you have with him. – Jen K.

They are two completely different types of love. You can and (probably) do love them both the same. You love your children as individuals yet part of you, as a teacher, chef, protector, nurse, boo-boo healer, advisor, cheerleader, disciplinarian, as THEIR everything. Your HUSBAND owns an intimate part of you as your lover, friend, confidant, protector, savior, through your tears, smiles, good and bad. – Dawn D.

Husband should be first. Secure marriage makes kids feel secure and it models healthy relationships for them. – Andrea J.

I would guess that he is saying this because your marital relationship isn’t getting the attention it needs, and this is his attempt to tell you that – not because he is insecure or trying to have a competition with your kids. I would look at the amount of time being invested in maintaining it. The marital relationship is equally important to a happy home and kids as is the parent/child relationship. Kids are very time consuming and can make it hard, especially when they are young. – Karen I.

I don’t see how comparing the two is useful. I love them differently, not more or less. My kids require more of my attention. It sounds like your husband wants more of yours. – Kate S.

Do you have a parenting dilemma that you’d like other parents to weigh in on? Send us a message on Facebook and we could ask our readers to help.