If you think kids today are more stressed than ever, it’s not your imagination. From school pressures and social challenges to navigating technology and global events, children have a variety of stressors that can negatively affect their mental health.
However, the good news for parents is that you can use these challenges to build resilience.
“Resilience is a skill that children will carry into adulthood, helping them manage adversity and maintain their mental health and wellness,” says Marci Mahfouz, director of behavioral health at Leaders Advancing & Helping Communities (LAHC) located in Dearborn, Michigan.
What do we mean by ‘resilience?’
Resilience is essentially a child’s ability to handle stress, adversity and challenges in a healthy and productive way. Mahfouz points out that in today’s world, children are exposed to pressures that previous generations may not have experienced to the same degree. Things such as the impact of social media, global issues and the instability caused by the pandemic are just a few examples.
“At every stage of a child’s development, resilience helps them become well-adjusted adults. It equips them with emotional regulation skills, coping mechanisms, social networks and peer relationships, all of which increase self-confidence,” Mahfouz says.
The goal is to foster resilience in children so they can face life’s challenges head-on, instead of avoiding or becoming overwhelmed by them. “Parents can do a lot to help their children build resilience by modeling appropriate behaviors and creating a supportive environment.”
How parents can teach resilience
There are several ways that parents can actively teach resilience, starting with how they handle challenges themselves.
“Modeling resilience yourself is often the hardest but most important part,” Mahfouz notes. “Children are always watching. How you handle stress, adversity or setbacks can shape how they respond to challenges in their own lives.”
Here are some practical ways you can build resilience in your kids:
1. Maintain composure and demonstrate persistence
Children learn by example. When parents stay calm and persevere during difficult times, kids are likely to do the same. “Parents should remain calm and show perseverance during challenges, as kids will learn by observing how their caregivers handle stressful situations,” says Mahfouz.
2. Teach independent problem-solving skills
Rather than solving problems for your child, walk them through the process. “When your child is facing a difficult situation, say to them ‘let’s break it down,’” Mahfouz advises. “Help children think through solutions, but don’t step in right away. Let them develop their own strategies.”
3. Encourage open communication
Creating an environment where children feel comfortable talking about their challenges is key. “Don’t shut them down by saying ‘it will pass’ or ‘buck up’. Instead, ask, ‘tell me how that made you feel’ or ‘what would you have done differently?’” Mahfouz emphasizes.
4. Promote autonomy and responsibility
Allowing children to face consequences and make decisions builds their confidence. “When children start to see the consequences of their choices and navigate challenges on their own, it builds their self-confidence,” Mahfouz explains.
Encouraging autonomy helps children understand that they are capable of handling life’s difficulties.
When to talk to your child’s doctor
“It’s important to remember that each child is different, and the signs of emotional or behavioral struggles can vary greatly,” says Mahfouz. “These challenges may persist over an extended period, so recognizing early signs and seeking guidance from a doctor is essential for individualized support.”
Some warning signs include:
- Difficulty coping with change or new situations
- Meltdowns or outbursts over minor setbacks
- Avoidance of challenges or reluctance to try new things
- Negative self-talk or low self-esteem
- Social withdrawal or isolation
- Excessive dependence on others for reassurance
“If a child exhibits these behaviors, it’s crucial for parents to seek help from professionals, such as a pediatrician or school social worker,” Mahfouz advises. “Parents are the experts on their children — trust yourself if you think something is wrong and seek help.”
Everyday ways to build resilience in children
There are several practical activities that parents can incorporate at home to help strengthen their child’s resilience:
- Encourage effort over outcome: “Celebrate that they even attempted it, whether it worked out or not,” Mahfouz suggests. This helps shift the focus from perfectionism to progress.
- Family game nights or role-play: Discuss challenging situations during a family game night to help children think through how they would handle them.
- Create a challenge jar: Write down small challenges on slips of paper and let your child pick one each week. This encourages problem-solving and resilience.
- Promote healthy risk-taking: Encourage your child to try something new, whether it’s a sport, club or program they aren’t sure about. “Promote healthy risk-taking. It’s not always about the outcome but about putting themselves out there,” says Mahfouz.
By fostering open communication, teaching problem-solving skills and promoting autonomy, parents can equip their children with the tools they need to be happy and successful, says Mahfouz: “Resilience isn’t built overnight, but with consistent support and modeling, children can develop the skills they need to thrive.”
This content is sponsored by the Ethel and James Flinn Foundation. Learn more here.
