Childhood friendships used to happen by default — on the playground, in the neighborhood, in the chaos of loosely supervised weekends. But today, many kids are facing what experts call a friendship recession. Between packed schedules and pervasive screens, genuine connection is harder to come by. And that matters — a lot.
Licensed psychotherapist and parent coach Nicole Runyon sees this trend up close in her Grosse Pointe practice. “We have a loneliness epidemic,” she says. “People are lonely, and loneliness causes health problems. It causes early death, it causes depression and even suicide.”
What can parents do to help — especially when their own time and social circles are stretched thin? Here’s a practical toolkit.
Why friendships matter for mental health
Friendships aren’t just fun — they’re foundational. From preschool on, kids use play to build communication, empathy and resilience.
Runyon explains: “Preschool is a great time to let children work through conflict on their own. If there’s an issue over sharing a toy or ‘she won’t play with me’ — that’s something for them to be able to learn and work through without distraction.”
By around age 9, peer relationships begin to influence identity. Kids shift from seeing themselves only within the family to exploring who they are with others. That’s where real, mutual friendships start to take root.
Red flags that kids are struggling socially
Not every child will say, “I don’t have friends.” But many will show it in other ways.
“Withdrawal, isolation, sadness — those are the main signs,” Runyon says. “A lot of times kids do recognize when they don’t have friends, so they’ll tell you. But even if they don’t, you can see it when they’re shut down or avoidant.”
Other red flags: constant online activity, fear of in-person interaction or repeated stories of being excluded.
How technology is complicating connection
There’s no denying the link between tech and this friendship shift.
Runyon shared a stat: 40% of 2-year-olds have their own iPads. Not family tablets — their own.
“They’re getting them early,” she says. “You see it out in the world. They’re wrapped in their favorite-colored protective case.”
And that protective gear says a lot. “You wouldn’t give a 2-year-old an iPad without a case because they’re going to break it,” she explains. “You’re giving a fragile item to a 2-year-old. That says right there they shouldn’t have it. It’s the same reason why you use plastic cups for drinking at that age instead of glass.”
Screens offer a dopamine hit — and they’re far less complicated than real people. “It’s like a piece of cake and a piece of broccoli,” Runyon says. “You know you should have the broccoli, but you’re going to gravitate more toward the cake.”
Tech also trains kids to avoid discomfort. “Online, people say things without seeing how it lands. They don’t see the facial expression of somebody who just got burned. It lacks the nuance of connection — and they lack empathy.”
What parents can do — without micromanaging
The good news? Helping your child doesn’t mean running every playdate or controlling every friendship.
Instead, Runyon suggests helping kids reach out on their own. “There are a lot of alternatives now to smart devices for kids,” she says. “They can have a watch where they just have 10 contacts. The parents control the contacts, and they can call their friends and say, ‘Hey, are you available to hang out?’”
Old-school landlines still work too — and teach valuable social skills. “We used to use our parents’ phones and say, ‘Hello, Mrs. Smith, is Karen there?’ Kids today don’t learn that. Some are even anxious about making phone calls.”
Skills that build stronger friendships
Friendship is a skill — and like any skill, kids need practice.
Runyon points to:
- Conflict resolution: “The ability to tell your friend how you feel and for the friend to say, ‘Oh yeah, I understand now how that would have upset you.’”
- Empathy: “Nobody has to be your friend. Just acknowledging that’s an important relationship — that’s a nice thing to do.”
- Boundaries: Apps like Snapchat create constant pressure to respond, which distorts how kids understand closeness.
Teach your child to say how they feel, listen when others share and take breaks when needed — even from close friends.
Model it — even if you don’t have a village
Many parents don’t have a big friend group themselves — especially post-pandemic. That’s OK. What matters is showing your kids that friendship is a value you hold.
Runyon suggests simple steps: “We entertain less now that the kids are older but it doesn’t have to be a Pinterest party. It can be a simple potluck. Everybody brings something.”
Community can be messy and imperfect — but it’s worth rebuilding. And when parents connect with each other, kids are more likely to do the same.
Let’s reclaim friendship
This isn’t about banning screens or throwing back to the 80s. It’s about protecting something timeless: the real, messy, beautiful process of becoming someone who knows how to love and be loved.
Because the friendship recession isn’t just about fewer playdates — it’s about who our kids become when we don’t teach them how to connect.
This content is sponsored by The Ethel and James Flinn Foundation. Visit flinnfoundation.org.
Find more articles about mental health on Metro Parent’s A Parent’s Guide to Family Mental Health.
