Devastation. It’s the only word that even begins to touch the feeling of profound sadness that comes with the loss of a pregnancy — a feeling that Evrod Cassimy, the morning anchor at WDIV, knows all too well.
Cassimy, a father of two boys, Malakai (8) and Shae (3), is expecting his first daughter in 2021, but the road to her conception wasn’t easy as he and his wife, Danielle, experienced three miscarriages along the way.
A series of loss
Danielle’s first pregnancy was a normal one. It came with the normal ups and downs of pregnancy, of course, but all-in-all there were no issues. But in 2014, about six months after Malakai was born, the couple got pregnant and experienced their first miscarriage.
“We got pregnant again (after Malakai) and I remember that we were on vacation in Colorado when she miscarried. It just was devastating,” Cassimy explains.
The couple got pregnant with their second son and once again everything was fine, but shortly after his birth, they got pregnant again and lost that baby in 2018.
The third miscarriage would come earlier in 2020, prior to the current pregnancy with the daughter that they’re currently expecting. With each one of these miscarriages, Cassimy felt an indescribable pain and feeling of loss that he says you really can’t understand unless your family has experienced miscarriages.
“Devastation isn’t descriptive enough of the pain that you feel,” he says. “Obviously, I’d heard (miscarriages) are common and I know that people have had them before, but I never understood the pain people feel from it until I’ve experienced it on my own.”
And with that profound pain also came the realization that all of the plans he and his wife had for those babies were gone.
“There’s this rush of things that happen in your mind (when you find out you’re pregnant) — how you’re going to tell your parents, your close friends and make it Facebook official. You think of different names and your housing situation — all those things go through your mind once you see that double line and the excitement grows as the baby grows,” he explains.
“To have that taken away from you is crushing because it’s a death. It’s a death of someone you didn’t know, but in your mind, you’ve already planned out the life experiences you’ll have with them.”
Cassimy also felt a sense of guilt as he and Danielle wondered if they could have prevented the losses in some way.
“You worry and wonder if it was something that you did. Could this have been somehow your fault in some way,” he adds.
Coping with the emotions
After the loss of three pregnancies, Cassimy says that he found his strength to work through his emotions through his song-making, producing a song called Mama, which is dedicated to his three lost babies and to moms everywhere (now available on streaming services).
But it wasn’t just his emotional well-being he had to support. His wife needed him more than ever.
“I remember not being able to stop crying for so long and I’m holding my wife because she’s more devastated,” he says. “As a husband, you’re trying to be supportive but you’ll never know how to be supportive and what do they need from you.”
While working through his own emotions, he found himself questioning his role in the miscarriage before settling on becoming an ear and a shoulder for Danielle to cry on. “I tried to do that as best I could and tend to her where she was in each moment,” Cassimy says. “(Men) will never understand what it’s like for a woman to go through a miscarriage, so you have to be able to communicate and ask (your partner) how they’re feeling and what they need from you.”
Looking toward the future
Now that they know that their current pregnancy is healthy, Cassimy says that he, Danielle and their boys are excited but the miscarriages still loom in the back of his mind. “We couldn’t be happier, but I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t hold my breath every day,” he says. “I remember when we decided to let everyone know about this pregnancy being sick to my stomach, nervous and unsure if it was the right thing to do.”
Now that the pregnancy is out in the public, he is focusing on preparing for his daughter’s arrival and is looking forward to the new adventure that she’ll bring.
“I’m definitely nervous because I’m used to raising boys and I only have one brother, so I’m nervous as far as that is concerned but excited because I’m up for a new experience, a challenge,” he says.
“We feel really blessed. There are storms and dark clouds, but after them came a rainbow.”